Hello, I'm new to this group

Hi....I'm  so so sorry for your loss...I lost my husband to this also...he fought til the bitter end...we had 2 years from diagnosis. He had an operation and we thought we'd beaten it, but the cancer had other ideas...in the end it had spread to his liver, Lung and spine...so cruel....such an awful disease and mostly detected too late. This awful void feeling you have, can be so overwhelming can't it? People say it will lessen in time, but so hard when you just want them....i guess we will find a way in time, although it doesn't feel like it right now!....I hope you have some lovely friends to support you, ones that know what to say, or to be there to listen to you....sending hugs xx

Hello Stace#4, thank you for your reply and your kind words.  I am sorry to hear what your husband went through.  So much hope shattered.  We thought when my husband was diagnosed that he would be offered chemo but that wasn't the case.  Its 2 months on and I'm still bewildered at just how sudden the cancer spread and how fast it took him.  I was only with my husband for 14 years.  I was a widow and he was a widower when we met.  My first husband died instantly of heart failure.  Its all unbearable most of the time.  I did find a light at the end of the tunnel 2 years after my first husband died when I met my late husband.  We were such a comfort to each other and found love again.  I feel like I cant cope some days and mope around the house.  I have wonderful friends, who have come and stayed with me and I have stayed with my family but life has to go on for everyone.  I cant see a light at the end of this tunnel to be honest but no doubt its there and that will be the same for you.  I am so glad that my husband didn't suffer too much and cant imagine what your poor husband went through.  Its hard but we must keep our spirits up and live for them.  Sending a hug to you too.xx

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Hello ladies,

sadly my husband died of stage 4 prostate cancer 7 weeks ago. I am devastated and feel lost and one night a few weeks ago I cried non stop for 4 hours. Never felt sorrow like it. I couldn’t cope with the emptiness of the house. So I got the cutest little puppy who is the most loving and adorable little dog you could wish for. He makes life worth living again. Lost of cuddles and a reason to get up in the morning.

We were together 18 years and he was the love of my life. His passing was very peaceful and loving with me at home which was where he wanted to be. 
His liver was also affected latterly and he got two weeks after that. It seems to spread fast once in the liver. 

He is totally irreplaceable and I will spend the rest of my days missing and loving him but getting my wee dog has helped a lot. 

sending you all much love ️ 

Louli

Hello Louli., Thank you for your lovely reply.  I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  Mine passed away on 2nd May.  Its all so very raw.  I cry buckets too when I feel alone and think of the plans we had made and what a lovely handsome husband he was.  We had a wonderful life.  My husband also died at home with only me with him.  I was glad he was at home and I know he was.  Your wee dog sounds lovely.  I know my mum had great comfort from her dog when my dad passed away. Animals give so much love and comfort.  Thankfully, I have grandchildren who  bring me solace and keep me busy some of the time.

Sending love to you and your wee puppy. xx

Hi Maria,

Awe grandchildren are a joy and I don’t have any yet but ever hopeful! 

I met a woman on the beach last night who had lost her 22yr old son 3.5 yrs ago. we chatted for ages… a lovely person still struggling as you can imagine but I found it therapeutic meeting her. Had I never had puppy I never would have been on the beach. It will be 40 yrs since I walked the beach..

love to you darling xx

louli xx

Hi Louli

I can't imagine the grief losing a son let alone one so young.  Poor lady. I'm glad your wee puppy is helping you to get out and speak to like-minded people.  Its got to be good therapy.  I have had a better day, met some widows for a coffee morning.   I am now in the group who will meet every Tuesday.  Small steps Louli.

Keep well. 

Maria xx

Small steps indeed Maria!

I’ve had not a bad day today myself but feeling I should be more upset.. I try not to think about my beautiful husband because it’s too painful. I can’t look at photographs … I will but not right now. 

Someone told me that anticipatory grief which I had can help afterwards because with knowing it’s coming and feeling the loss more acutely, we’ve started the grieving process before it happens. 

has anyone else read or heard this??

much love to all xxx

Louli

Oh goodness my heart goes out to you.  My husband died of pancreatic cancer too, 3 months after diagnosis, he had no real symptom's as well and had spread too far fir any real help..

the anger I felt and to some degree still do is that all the plans we had for the rest of our lives wont happen. So sad as he was so looking forward to moving to Spain.  I think we all think, why our partner? 

i dont have answers, i try to get in with my new life the best i can and hope that one day it will hurt less than it does to.

chelseabluegirl

Love is eternal

Hi Everyone!

I'm kind of newish here too posted a couple of times in this section already. Lost my beloved husband and soulmate of 40 years on June 23rd to bowel cancer. He got rid of it all last January (2022) when they cut the tumour out but the beast that it is decided it was coming back for him a few months later and this time it was taking him. He fought for just about 2 years and took everything they could throw at it for him. This though coupled with continuous bouts of Sepsis meant that his body just gave up and on his 4th bout of sepsis along with the cancer where treatment stopped altogether because of kidney damage it took him on the 23rd June. They actually thought that his 3rd bout of sepsis would take him but miraculously he pulled through that and they were preparing me for the worst then. He too wanted to come home to pass away but they decided he was too weak to be moved from hospital in the end so had to stay there. The last image I have of him leaving this house is being stretchered into an ambulance because when he got sepsis again the paramedics felt because his blood pressure was so low if they moved him in a chair he may pass out so had to call for a 2nd team to come out as they did not have the stretcher they needed to move him. He wanted home to pass away as I said, but the palliative care team said if they moved him he may have been at risk of passing away in the ambulance so he resigned himself to staying in hospital. We just held his funeral last Friday (14th July) so I am now entering my 2nd week as a widow and don't know how to feel, what I should be doing, where I should be etc I can't cry and feel that's not normal as I was doing plenty of that while he was going through his treatment. Anticipatory grief I think they call it you know it's coming but don't know when. I too have a wee dog a Border Terrier. He was my husband's dog and he thought the world of him. At one point my son and myself made arrangements with the hospital staff to be able to take him in to see him as he missed him so much but it never happened as he passed just before we could take him in. I too feel it first thing in the morning and just wonder what it is now I have to get up for. I have my older sister who has learning difficulties come and stay with me for a few days at a time. She lives alone in sheltered housing not far from me. She has learning and mental health issues and she is the one who more or less relies on me for certain things. She is independent and can go out on her own, but recently she has began slowing up a good bit with her mobility. and she can have bad bouts of depression some days. So I wonder if it's just best for me to be on my own at times. I just keep hoping things will get better and I just have to take things a day at a time just now. 

x