Loss

sorry to hear this. Keep your self busy and make sure your day is palnned, morning to night

Thank you. I try x

JHR, I think I know what you mean.  I was on autopilot for about 4 months, towards the end when he was being cared for in a nursing home I would visit every other day, and give myself a "day off" in between as it was often so harrowing for me.  The nursing home staff supported me and I found this helped.  The times I'd put on a brave face for him but leave in floods of tears, making sure he didn't witness it.  I took it upon myself to think his situation was 100 times worse than anything I was experiencing,  so it was inevitable that after his death, and dealing with the funeral and the admin (a lot of it, I'm still dealing now) I found myself on that rapid downward slope.  I just let it all out, I had/have the support of a particularly good friend, she let me ring her 24/7 if I needed to.  Take help and comfort from those around you, and take a day at a time.  It really helps.  Wishing you peace x 

Thank you. Yes it is autopilot and a routine I guess which you lose and need to make a new one. I’m staying with family as can’t face staying at home although do pop back. I’m not sure if that’s the right approach, whether it will make it harder to live there in the future and whether I can ever make it ‘my’ home . He was doing it up and there are lots of his unfinished jobs, rooms etc although it is liveable. 

Hello JHR!

So sorry to hear about your partner. I have just lost mine also. I get the autopilot thing at minute I just feel that everything is standing still. His funeral is this coming Friday and I am just at a loss as where to be or how I should be. Like you, I'm also wondering whether I should stay here or move elsewhere. When they told him at the end of last year he was looking at 9 months-1 year (he got 7 months) I decided I didn't want to be living here when he was gone. I don't know if it was just the shock or panic of me being without him that prompted me to think like this. He said to me why would I want to move as we are mortgage free and If I moved somewhere else I may need to start paying rent again because I could never afford to buy a house on my own. We put our names forward for sheltered housing my sister lives in a complex not far from us and it's lovely its only about 30 flats but the usual the ones who are there don't want to move and you only get one if someone passes or moves into a care home and the waiting list is seems is as long as your arm. So I'm really undecided on that just now it's the usual `do I move or improve` early days yet just need to see how the next few months pan out. I know I'll feel that bit more vulnerable now living here on my own and moreso when the dark winter nights come in but the beauty is that I am in an upper flat so I'm not on the ground floor at least. My head is just `mush` just now and I know I'm just not thinking clearly. Best Wishes to you. 

xx