Moving Forward But Yet..

Absolutely agree.

I know, we only get 1 life, my husband only got 47 years and I should be making the most of my life. But I don't know what I should be doing with mine. 

I have a part time job which I enjoy and my 2 sons who are amazing but no actual life, fun, things in my diary, nothing!

I cant imagine going for a meal, cinema or holiday on my own. I feel so lonely. I miss having someone to talk to who would be interested in my day to day things, worries and moans. 

I cant believe this is it

Hello to you 

Just feeling absolutely the same. Going through Barry's things and finding little notes he often left around the house for me and some I have from when we first met ! Nearly 40 years ago. Seems like yesterday.

Doing things alone and with no one to make even silly decisions about "what to make for tea "  and anything major of course just makes me panic. I have found though lately that I need to step back a bit before making a decision or make a mistake. Things will fall into place. 

The "happy couples " are still there around me and I feel very envious. Do I want to find someone else ?

Not sure at all. Not ready really. Once again, it will take time . There was a possibility of someone but I looked again and thought NO. 

Keep writing and keep going .

Hugs out there to the lonely club.

Hi WDJ!

I get you. I have all this in front of me too. My husband used to jokingly refer to me as a `bookend` because before I met him I was very shy and introverted. I wasn't one for going out to the dancing on a Friday or Saturday night- which a lot of people thought really odd an 18 year old that stays in at weekends and does nothing. Then I met Jay when I was 21 and everything changed. I was never at home. We would go for meals out, cinema, weekends away etc etc. Now after 40 years together the thought of being on my own again scares me and like you WD I feel I could revert back to that 18 year old before I met Jay. I'm 60 now though and I am scared I'm going to end up that lonely wee old woman on her own where no one visits her etc. I see this in my sister she is in her 70's and lives in sheltered accomodation because of mental health and learning difficulties. Just starting over again scares me and sometimes I think when you're on your own you become anonymous or invisible any friends you do have who are still couples feel they need to ask you to places but when there you feel like a spare part. I used to look at neighbours in my street who have lost their life partners and wonder why they are how they are, but I can see it now and I'm going through it now I've more or less joined that wee club. We had a lot in common though and I think that's what drew us together. He was never one for going to the dancing etc he was a `big bear` of a man and always thought he would look out of place in somewhere like that but loved his food and introduced me to the delights of Chinese and Indian food. Going out for dinner was more his thing and we would do that still up until he became ill. The day he found out his cancer was back after beating it 5 months before when it got all taken away, was the day of our wedding anniversary 21st June and he still insisted we were going out as planned. Then this year well cancer at least allowed him to see out our last anniversary before he passed on the 23rd June. I will miss him terribly he was my best friend and soulmate for all those years and I just don't know what i'll do without him. He said to me before he went that I am strong and will go on without him he used to refer to me as `the brains of our outfit` and how he would be lost without me. Well, I think I am the one who will defintely be lost without him. 

xx

Hi Fifinet!

I am the same as you 40 years we were together. Decisions we made were always joint ones but in the end he always left it up to me. Now those decisions will be mine alone to make. Do I decorate the house, do I move house, and you have no one there to give a second opinion and if you fall flat on your face you've no one to blame but yourself.  Yes and doing a weekly shop you forget you are only buying for one (two still for me if my sister decides to come and stay with me a couple of days which she has been doing). Things he never liked that I did I know I can get things like that now example he never liked semi-skimmed milk had to be full fat so if I want I can now get semi-skimmed. Saw a couple round about our age walking by holding hands and I said to myself we always did that. He always held my hand when we were walking anywhere. Meeting someone new at 60 years old would be quite daunting for me but who knows if the right person came along but then again do you feel you are betraying your life partners memory doing that. So much to think about.

Hi WDJ,

I so get this. After Lin died I felt drained of all confidence and found it so difficult to make a decision about anything. And yes, our loved ones would want us to live our life and be happy, but it is so, so hard. In the 18 months since Lin passed my confidence has slowly improved. I have now managed to go away on my own twice, which is still very strange, and particularly lonely at meal times when all I can think about is that she is not there opposite me chatting about what we have done or will do. I have also been on a cricket tour recently, which was a great time, but I so wish it could have been a holiday with Lin. I still have really low days when I wake up and my stomach feels like it is tied in a knot, wishing she was still here with me.

I get what you say about friends and family and that, unless it has happened to them, they do not understand how we are feeling. There is one person I know that understands because they, unfortunately, have suffered the same loss. It is my old manager who sadly lost her husband to cancer last year, so I do keep in touch with her and she completely gets it, and I find it a comfort that we are having similar feelings and experiences.

Stay strong,

Derek