Yesterday I had a reading with a medium. I wasn’t sure why to expect beforehand but this lady knew nothing about but told me some things that she couldn’t possibly have known unless she was in touch with my Dave. I felt so comforted afterwards - I actually sat outside a coffee with a slice of cake and was there so long I had two coffees - and I didn’t feel like I needed to get up and be doing something. I felt a sense of calm for the first time in 18 months. It was a pretty wonderful feeling.
But today I feeL like I’ve crashed back down to earth again. I’m really struggling to keep on top of stuff. I’ve been supposedly decorating my bathroom, landing and stairs since March and I just can’t seem to make any progress. Which is so unlike me. I don’t get why as it’s not as if I’m ever sat still. I just do t seem to be able to achieve anything. I’m still working so tell myself not to be too hard on myself but it’s getting me down even more.
It’s so hard to go to work but then also be the only responsible person for doing all the housework, the gardening, the grocery shopping, looking after my fur baby, the decorating, the finances etc.
Im trying to move forward - I’ve joined a walking group and aM meeting up with them a few times a month but when I do that I just get further behind with everything else. It’s hard enough trying to deal with the grief without suddenly being the person with sole responsibility for EVERYTHING. Is anyone else finding this ?
Take care everyone
J x
Hi Jillybean74
Going to a medium was brave. That kind of thing isn't for everyone but if it helps you sod, other folk!! An older friend of mine lost her 3rd husband years ago and saw a renowned psychic who told her things no one else could've known about how her 1st husband died, It helped her get through and she saw this person quite a few times.
it is so hard being the one responsible person with 'everything' to do and trying to keep the same standards up that were shared between 2 people. I fail in the garden, I mow the lawn but can't get
them flipping lines in but I am getting better(still won't use the strimmer)!! Think I've killed the fuschia by giving that a bad haircut and decorating and maintenance in the house costs money now! all that stuff will get done eventually.
I found a free 10 week computer course through the Council. I was the youngest there lol(I was 60 in February) Then in April I found a free Spanish for beginners course and am the oldest!!! I'll keep looking for free stuff
I put off things like decision making. I feel that I want to stop work -retail is doing my head in and can't face another Christmas, but I know I need that structure in my life.
Sometimes you just have to keep somethings to yourself. I didn't tell anyone I was having a tattoo of Colins name on the inside of my wrist- some self righteous person would've tried to talk me out of it!
I have a private pension that matured when I turned 60 and thought I'd be able to take that and use the money till I 
reach 67 but it would only give £270 ish a month - not enough to retire on 
I am working on other options but financial advisors freak me out!
You should definitely learn French especially as you have your dad in France 
a perfect reason to learn- go for it girl 
search free courses on-line in your area, most are government funded. Where I live it's called Learnig & Skills
It's strange how people would help when our fellas were still here isn't it?? My 4 stepson are busy with their own lives, and everyone else gets on with theirs too 
c'est la vie
I think it takes at least 2 years for acceptance to kick in that this is 'how' its going to be now. I still speak to Colin's pictures everday and when I watch 'our' films, even though there's some I still can't watch after 3 years!
People who haven't been bereaved and still have their other half are so lucky but one day one if them will realise that they 'are doing so well' and 'being so strong' 
On that cheery note ()I'll say goodnight 
x
