On the 9th May 2022 I watched my 54 year old best friend & husband take his last breaths.. it has got to be the most harrowing thing I have ever gone through. .. I relive the moment every day when I wake up from my fitful, nightmare ridden sleep and suck up the pain before getting my young son up for school.
As far as I am concerned, my husband Daniel is away on holiday, visiting friends, on a business trip etc.... 'he will be back soon' says my brain... Every time my sensible side reminds me he is gone, never to return, my protective voice jumps in and covers my sensible side, muffling it's 'lies'.
In 2 days time I must face the pain all over again, visit the face that turns grey and the beautiful eyes that dilate as he looks at me one last time, hear the painful begging coming from my mouth for him to 'breath Daniel... Breath!....... Only for the light and love in his eyes to fade and stop shining. ... I then spend the next 2 hrs until he is taken to rest, holding his hand and singing to him.... My joy and happiness extinguished with his last breath.
To all you that have lost your loved one at the hands of this monster.... I grieve with you, I hold your hand, I wipe away our joint tears and continue to hope for a time when the happy memories become stronger than the painful ones.
Thank you Daniel for being my best friend, my lover, my rock my forever. 
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