Last August, less than a month after being diagnosed with secondary cancer (ironically on the same day my son was told he was in remission), my husband passed away. It’s obviously been awful but you all know that. My mum was diagnosed with a ‘high grade B cell lymphoma’ in February this year but before we could get a firm diagnosis or start treatment, she ended up in hospital having bowel surgery. Unfortunately multiple infections overtook her and she died last week. I am so very angry at the moment, not just with the world for taking my husband and mum. I’m angry with my husband for not being here to support me through this crap and angry that he didn’t get diagnosed sooner to at least stand a chance to fight - he had other health issues and put feeling so unwell down to them. And I’m angry and sad that his death was so horrible - my mum was in hospital but they managed to get her pain and sedation under control so for the last few days of her life, she was comfortable. My husband was at home, with a syringe driver, but his last few days were so distressing for him and for me and my children - right up to an hour before he died, he was reaching out, writhing around and seemed in pain. And I feel so guilty that we never got him comfortable. I can’t get those images of him in his last few hours back out of my head.
