It's been 3 years. Not a day goes by I don't think of my Liam who died at 42 years old after a 10 month battle with stage 4 kidney cancer that had already spread to his lymph nodes lungs and brain before diagnosis. In saying that Im here to say it's getting easier. I drank a lot in the beginning and to be honest still do but I'm functioning again. The depression when it hits is horrendous to the point I don't even get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth or change my clothes but there are good days and I can laugh again without feeling guilty and enjoy others company without resenting them for not having gone through the same thing. I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone but when I was in the first year of grieving I always asked why us? Why? Why not someone else's husband? I was stuck in a rut for about 18 months with the same thoughts getting angrier and angrier until the rage was out of control. At that point I knew it was time to do something so I saw a bereavement Councillor and for the first time since liams death I let all my feelings out. I cried a lot. I got angry! It was hard to talk about. But it helped me move on to the acceptance stage and that's a beautiful stage because now I only remember the beautiful memories, his smile, his humour, his generosity. Before all I remembered were the treatments and his suffering. I blocked out all the good times. It does get easier..... While I know my life will never be the same again after Liam I know that it can be good again. I didn't believe this 3 years ago. My life was over. But it's not and Liam wouldn't want that for me and if the roles were reversed I wouldn't want that for him either. I hope this gives comfort to those who have just lost their partners. I remember reading this forum a lot during liams treatments and after he died and it helped me immensely. I hope I can now bring comfort to others going through this wondering what the future holds. The future can be bright again
xxx
