I'm a bit confused at the moment, almost 6 months have passed since I lost my lovely husband in October, just 18 days after we got married and 10 months after he started his brave battle with this awful disease.
This week I have had so many people saying to me that 'I'm doing so well!' What do they mean?
Am I putting on a brave face and that's what they see? I certainly don't think I'm doing well, my life, as has all of yours on here, has been smashed to pieces, Our happy future together ripped from us way too soon. Andy was only 53, I'm only 51.
I get up everyday, because I have to work and see to our furbabies.
I'm broken, its hard work putting 1 step in front of the other some days, would I care if I didn't wake up? not really I wouldn't. (I'm not suicidal by the way)
I sit quiet, have tears and talk to Andy everyday. Some days I go out to walk the dogs, stand in a field and scream loud - luckily I live in rural Wales so no one hears me, and tears flood down my face. Perhaps I'm hiding it well and they see me just trying to carry on living when I'm actualy just exsisting, not living at all!
How can I be 'doing so well!' I'm truly heartbroken, in so much pain from losing the love of my life, my soul mate, my rock, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with as his wife - now his widow (I hate that word!) Andy will always be my husband!
C xxx
