For All Those Years

Hello there 

Do so understand. My thoughts too just now. I feel a bit panicky? Maybe you do too as to what to do now. 

I find each day is just to get through as best and as kindly as possible. Do feel this enormous exhaustion which is the grief I suppose which weighs heavily upon us.

Regarding decisions, I am finding those hard but know by listening to myself quietly I will know what to do. Don't be forced to do anything too quickly. Or by anyone's so called best intentions! 

Been going through a lot of photographs recently, both personal ones and professional one that Barry took. We came many times on holiday to France and often said we would like to live here. I think what I am trying to say is we were a team , we made the decision to come here and I have no regrets at all. Just to say what luck we had to do it and to be together for so long. Many people don't get or have that chance.

Try and have a peaceful and reflective day, full of good memories. Probably with tears but it's okay. It WILL be okay.

Take care 

Hugs 

Hi Fifinet,

Everyday is still so full of emotional ups and downs. When I'm feeling 'normal', all of a sudden it hits me that she's not coming back. I still feel as if I'm waiting for the door to open. I'm not in 'denial' it's just the sense that it remains so unreal.

Photographs make me feel either happy or sad it seems; there is no in-between. I still find longer car journeys hard as I feel the car is empty. Music is another. So may songs with so much meaning and so many memories.

I've been back 'home' north of the border of late driving again the roads that took us to so many places and brought so many experiences. I can't decide, again, whether it's helping or making things worse. I am though doing things the way I want to. Family have now realised that is how it will be - and should be.

We all know it, it really is each day at a time.

Take care, 

WDJ

I may have inadvertently hit the 'flag to moderator' button! Oh well!

Funny if I've 'flagged' my own comment!

Macmillan don't have a 'jail' like FB does I've flagged posts loads of times by accident

I have struggled to make decisions too. Since Lin died I seem to have lost a lot of confidence and find it so hard to make a decision on things. I now mull things over for a few weeks or months before taking the plunge and making a decision on doing things with the house or buying something. When Lin was alive I was always the one to be positive and help us to make a decision on what to do or buy, but now it is like negotiating an obstacle course.

Stay strong,

Derek

I've found that making decisions about anything is so so hard.  Like you, I can take weeks from having an idea to doing something about it.  I've always got an image of Nic looking at me every single time and wondering what he would be thinking.  However, I have to do things that are right for me regardless of what he might have thought, hard though that is.  It's my new life now and I'm learning to embrace it.

Hugs to you all.

The thing I'm finding most of all with any decision is afterwards when I question myself was it the right thing to do. I've made a couple of 'big' ones recently and am just still asking myself. It's too late for now, and there are many positive aspects to them, but I still have my doubts. I'll just have to keep at it.

I've come 'home' for a bit which has brought me closer to those who we were away from for all those years but farther away and with less access to the others. 

Each hour and day at a time...

Take care,

WDJ

Hello WDJ 

Have I got it right you have moved back to Bonnie Scotland ? Just wondering how you were feeling.

I think of going back sometimes, but probably not to live again. Too many memories there too. One foot in France and one in Scotland.... Difficult to know.

I was asked out last night just a small gathering of neighbours, 6 people. All happy couples and it hit me how awful it really is without that one person who really knows you? All smiling and laughing, and saying to me how brave I was and that I must move forward. God awful. I managed to escape gracefully but it hurts me .

Another day, we'll see how it goes ! 

Hugs and take care 

Hi Fifinet,

Yes, I've come back up here - for now. I'm in-between both places fairly regularly at the moment. 

I'm not sure if 'Bonnie' fits these days. The countryside will always be so, like everywhere else but some of the cities are quite run down. Goodness knows where the money has been spent in the last ten years or so! Covid hasn't helped anyone either but it surely can't be to blame for everything.

I'm not convinced I'm here to stay but it's the right place for now I think. Memories here are too many also but it's the same where we were in England. 

What I do find difficult already is the geographical 'isolation' as I liked being within a two and a half hour, or so, drive from so many major cities in the UK. Summer will also be an indicator as the temperature will play a part. I've liked the very different heat and sunshine which gave us all the opportunity to sit outside in the evening. But, for me, it's just too hard being in our house on my own.

I'm also looking at getting back into work. Again, I'm not convinced here is where I want to do that.

These things we all on here now face. As has been said before, the price we're paying for so much being in love.

Take care,

WDJ