Loss of my wife

Well done, a big step and glad you have got something out of it.

I'm not quite ready for that yet. I just feel I don't need another person to tell me what I already know: focus on the positive memories of what I/we used to have. Perhaps there is more to it than that but I'm just not wanting to discuss things; it's hard enough when I'm talking to people who I know really care about what has happened.

I'm still finding keeping myself as busy as can be is my way to deal with things. I guess time will tell, once I've finished my two current 'projects', whether it all comes crashing down afterwards!

Take care,

WDJ

I am the same - I’m only coming up to 10 weeks since my wife passed but that is how I currently feel about therapy / counselling. But perhaps a bit further down the line I might feel differently 

In time if you need it you will know.

i lost my husband, and did all his garden, painted his shed, cleared it out, kept so busy, then things where done, it hit me,like a brick wall.

My kids kept saying mum your really down, think you need counselling, well was not having my kids tell me that, i am mum, and kids do not tell their mum what to do, then one day i just iced up phone, and phoned the hospice, he had been in, and asked for counselling.

That was my decision, and for me best thing i have done, that was just over a year of his passing.

Hi. I’ve just started counselling too. It took me 16months before I realised that I needed help. Through all that time I never stopped doing things because if I did that would let all the emotions in. At Christmas I just crashed and that’s when I realised I needed to reach out.

I’ve had two sessions so far and I’m not sure what I hope to get out of it. However after this weeks session (Valentines day) I did feel a bit more positive. Valentines was a big day for us and we always celebrated - but with gifts but just making time for us.

Rather than being heartbroken I spent the evening looking at old photos and remembering the happy times and eating a box of chocolates.
I also reached out to a walking group (walking is a massive part of my life but I haven’t really done  it since I lost Dave) and am planning on meeting up with them soon. That will be a big hurdle for me as I am quite shy - Dave was the one who could talk to anyone - but I’m going to do it. I have to start making a different life - it won’t be the one that I wanted but unfortunately thanks to the big  C I don’t have a choice. That doesn’t  mean in anyway that I’m moving on. I will always be Daves wife until the day that I die. I’m just going to try to move forward a little. I’m under no illusions that it’s going to be hard and I’ll probably take one step forward and two steps back but I have to try now. As much for my family as for me. I don’t want them to always be worrying about me. 
I will find the strength to do it by imagining that Dave is right beside me

 Take care everyone e

Jillian 

I found it difficult to talk to a stranger but afterwards it felt good to things of my chest I'm going back next week to the therapist  

I found it a bit odd too. But you can definitely say things you wouldn’t say to your family. Hope it works for you 

It was the little things that made me realise how much I miss my wife 

Hello

Well done for going. It is not easy at all but talking to a complete stranger is a little easier. I have been to some group support in grief but there are always different people that go and it can be a bit daunting. Also in French !

It varies with me. Whether I want or not some counseling? It will be different for each of us. Don't panic and allow just what you feel is right for you just now.

Take care of yourself

Hugs

Andrew, I hope that you find going to the therapist helpful. It's 1¼ years since my wife, Lin, died and I realised after about 3 months that I needed help with my emotions and how I was feeling. I went down the bereavement counselling route with the local hospice that Lin was with. It was the best thing that I did and it continued for about 10 months, and I definitely feel more able to cope with her loss than at the outset. I am also going to two local bereavement cafés 2-3 times a month which I find very helpful. No one judges you and you can talk about how you feel, you can cry or just chat about what you have been up to, all with a drink and biscuit. I feel very fortunate that where I live, Hertfordshire/Essex border, there are these facilities provided by our local hospices.

However, counselling is not for everyone, as my daughter tried it and found that it stirred up too many memories which she found upsetting, and I understand that. So I say everyone should consider doing it when they feel ready but if it doesn't work for you then that's OK.

I am trying to make a new life without the love of my life, and it is hard, so hard, and sometimes I feel guilty that I am enjoying doing something or if I find someone attractive. Who knows what is right? We just have to do things at our pace and try to understand that our lost loved ones would want us to be happy.

Take care and stay strong

Thanks it was difficult to start taking but I said a lot of things ,I didn't enjoy valentines day without Jean  I just stayed in and watched TV this weekend I'm up at my stepson and grandkids plus o to football with the stepson so a busy weekend ️