To Make A Big Decision Or Not?

I think one of the more useless pieces of advice is “don’t make any big decisions for a year.”.  How nice for those who are not in the same position to assume that grief will end after a year.

What counts as big? There are days when deciding what to have for an evening meal feels like a big decision. 

Someone said a "big decision" is anything that could change my life - my response was my life has already changed beyond anything I could have imagined.

We've already had to deal with the shittiest of big decisions such as planning a funeral, registering the death of our spouse, paying bills, all the crappy admin.

I find the advice to not make big decisions for a year to be complete bullshit. I've made several decisions in the 15 weeks since my Chris died that felt big, including making the bedroom "mine". I've dismantled Chris' wardrobe, kept clothing which is precious to me but donated a lot to charity, I've repainted the room and moved the bed. I've also made plans for the rest of the home.

For the most part, making these decisions felt good. It gave me a sense of control. I put all my plans on my calendar and it gives me something to look forward to and has forced me to learn to do things with no partner to help me.  

Grief has made my priorities much clearer and I will now do whatever feels right to me. None of us have the luxury of time to wait, life can change in the blink of an eye.

Oh my goodness, your post is so so real.  I agree with everything you have said, especially your "do it for me" attitude.

Yes, the first year was especially hard with all the probate admin, changing things into my name and the million other things I had to do.

What resonates most is the changing of the bedroom, which until recently I had been having problems with.  I've donated the furniture which I had never liked, had the room decorated, moved the bed and had a lovely carpet fitted.  I call it my nest as it's the place where I go to during the day when I need a break to think about things, read a book or just lie in my bed and relax.  It's my safe space.

I'm probably going to move house this year, but I'll take the things from my nest with me to create my new nest as its the only space in the house where I feel properly comfortable.

Best wishes to you all.

I think the answer is that you do what you feel is right for you when it feels right. There is no magic time frame - as others have said- what do people think happens after twelve months has passed? Some magic wand is waved and we no longer feel stuck,sad, overwhelmed?? 
Its been 16 months for me now and I am in the process of having our (still can’t used to it being mine not ours) bathroom remodelled. I’ve managed to sort all the big stuff but today I sat outside the tile shop for half an hour before I got up the courage and go in to place the order. Why? It’s probably the smallest decision I’ve had to make out of the whole project but today I just felt like I needed Dave to be there with me. To agree that they were the right choice (even though I know for a fact that he would just agree with whatever I had picked ) 

This journey we are all on is hard enough so let’s not be governed by other peoples opinions of what we should and shouldn’t do 

Take care everyone 

Jillian