Hello everyone,
In May it will be five years since my kind, loving, caring, compassionate, gorgeous, funny, playful husband was taken from me. For the most part of the almost five years, this forum has really helped me cope and I have met really lovely people.
After almost five years, I feel that I am not grieving anymore. There are even whole days now when I don't think of my late husband. When I started my new relationship last July, I knew that I was ready to embrace a new life - never forgetting my soul mate and what we had, but really moving on now because I still have a life to live at the age of only 40. I remained on the forum because I wanted to help all newly bereaved people on here to navigate this difficult situation. But I have to admit to myself and to all of you that I can't do it anymore. I get too many emails every day, most of which I don't read because I simply don't have the time. I I think it is also a natural part of the journey that while we may find a lot of comfort in a forum like this at the early stages, as we move on through our new life without our loved one it changes, life changes, and that is good and important. What I have also seen is that all people who are grieving are going through more or less the same process; and I trust that you will be able to be where I am today one day.
Do I have some final tips for especially the newly bereaved? Yes I do:
1. Be patient and kind with yourself. Grieving for a spouse is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Your body, mind and heart need time to process the loss and adjust to a new life without your spouse. So whenever you feel you are getting impatient or unkind with yourself, stop and put your hand on your heart and acknowledge once again that this is just really, really hard.
2. Do whatever it is that helps you process the pain of loss. I found writing to be extremely helpful. Some may find music or drawing particularly helpful. Find a way to express your grief. It really elps to let it out.
3. Don't judge yourself for the way you grieve. Some cry more, others cry less. Some feel only sadness, others feel frustration and anger and rage too. Everything is fine. Your psyche knows best how to get you through this.
4. Turn away from people who are not good for you in this situation. There may be some surprises along the way as people voice their opinion of how you should cope and what you should do, even saying things like "You should be over it by now". You don't need people like that in your life. Some of them react like this because they don't know how else to react in the face of your pain, but it doesn't matter. You have it hard enough at the moment without also having to try and have compassion for those who cannot cope with your pain. You need people now who are there for you no matter what.
5. Reach out for support whenever you need to. Remember that you are not alone, this forum is the best example for that.
Lots of love to you all!
Mel.
Good luck Mel 
xx
