My dear husband Jim died 2 years ago. Tonight I am missing him more than ever. I'm in the middle of moving and I've had enough of doing it on my own. I know come the morning things will seem brighter but right now I just want him back..
every thing is so much harder now we are on our own, every thing was shared, and gets harder as one gets older as i have found out.
Though we do our very best and they would be so pleased that we had, do not get me wrong i do say quiet a lot, i cannot do this any ,more, and carry on, we have no choice, though the move is nearly here and tomorrow is another day.
I too feel that a move is on the horizon. I knew from the very first day that it would be the only outcome eventually. I have listened to all saying don't rush into a decision, and I haven't, but it is not them who is going through this absolutely hellish experience.
You are right - everything is so much harder now. Not having someone to bounce ideas off one another is difficult. We have to do what WE want to do. The dark evenings certainly don't help but there is nothing we can do about that.
I've gone through a spurt whereby I got rid of things that I wanted to get rid of but now find myself absolutely drained. I don't want to be where I work and don't want to be where I live. I agreed to stay on at work for a certain time but now wish I hadn't. I already know I'm being held back. Wherever I go I will have my memories, wherever I go. Most of the family live in another part of the UK and, for now, I'd quite like to be a little closer. That's not to say forever but for now, yes.
Thank you for your replies, it helps to know there are others feeling the same. Things did feel better the next day. This morning I tested positive for covid. May plans are in disarray now but it doesn't matter. The worst has happened so reckon I can deal with anything life throws at me now.
I too keep thinking about moving and I will, just don't know when. it is the sensible thing to do, and we did discuss it when he was on end-of-life care. But so so hard on my own.
But it was your comment about the "worst has happened" a few thigs have happen since Rob died 20 months ago and that was my response, it can't be any worse than what I been through? one was when I had the house broken into. people say how did you cope? well I didn't have any choice, I did what needed doing and then had a meltdown, nothing compares to losing Rob.
I waited until it just felt right to move, and even though things aren't going quite how I hoped, it still feels right. I knew i didn't want to stay in the house we had moved to for retirement. It hasn't been easy. Right now I'm in an Airbnb that feels like a shoebox. I've got Covid so I'm stuck here a while. The plan was to go to my daughter until the house is ready, but I don't want to risk passing it to her family. So here I am alone and feeling rubbish. It's true that the worst has happened, however this situation won't last forever but the loss of my dear Jim will. That acute pain does ease and a dull ache takes it place. Then there's the occasional flare up triggered by a memory or sometimes nothing at all.
I hope you’re not feeling too ill with the Covid. I had it a few months ago and as I have asthma I did have a bit of difficulty. The first night I had to call 111as I couldn’t get my breath but they managed to talk me through it. I think the scariest part was being in the house on my own and thinking that if I got really ill no one would know. I can see you’re three days in so the worst should be over (otherwise I wouldn’t have to you the above ) It may leave you tired though so once you’re in the clear make sure you rest- difficult in the middle of a move I know but just take care x
Thank you, I'm not too bad. Yes it is horrible being alone when you don't feel well. People say "if you need anything just let me know" but that can never replace having Jim there making me feel safe and loved. He was never a huggy kind of person but I know he'd be making cups of tea and making sure I was comfortable. I'm still finding it had believing that he's not coming back. It's over 2 years and I still cry when I think about that.
I am in the same situation at the moment! Thought I had covid , for the second time, but no.Negative. Bronchitis though and stuck in the house alone. Good neighbours thankfully, but not the same as our loved one.
We cry, and it helps. Plus I have recently found is not being afraid to ask for help. It is brave not weak.
Big hugs
Fifinet
As Voltaire, the French writer said " I am going to be happy because it is good for my health "
