Loss of my partner

Hi Kieth,

Thank you for your reply.

I totally get what you say about waiting for mercy. I got to that point with my partner, even though losing him was the worst thing I could imagine I didn’t want him to suffer any longer. 
I suppose he was lucky in the sense he was only “bad” for the last month or so before he passed away.

If I have any advice for you it’s don’t ever think another persons grief journey will be your own, we all grieve differently and of someone had told me what grieving the loss of a partner would feel like I never would of believed them until now.

Even though we know what’s to come we can never quite prepare ourselves even if we think we have made peace with the fact we are going to lose that one person who makes us hole.

Even though I am nearly 5 weeks into my journey I still wake up everyday feeling like it’s the day after my partner passed away. 
The last 5 weeks feel like a blur that I have skipped over and my grief still feels just as bad if not worse. 
Everyday is a struggle and I literally only do what my kids need me to do.

i don’t know when I’m suppose to feel like me again or if I ever will and that’s what scares me. 
I no longer recognise the person I am today.

keep talking, don’t give up, you are stronger than you realise 

Sarah

Thank you Sarah

Reading about where you are, it's brought it back to me. Others couldn't understand why I'd spend every hour I could sitting in the hospice. I'd be there to all hours wondering why no-one else seemed to be doing it for the other patients. It was an honour to sit with my wife during her last weeks. She still went when I wasn't there though! I guess that's what she wanted.

I was at the hospice 24 hours a day until the end. They even brought a bed in for me. 
I wouldn’t have had it any other way

I stayed here for two weeks solid until I was told to go home, now its a few nights a week, sixth week now but she is getting much closer, I'm wishing it now, makes you feel terribly guilty, but she said she wants to die! Impossible to fully prepare.

It does make you feel guilty, having so many conflicting emotions is torture!! 
It’s something I really struggle with but my partner also got to the stage where he wanted to die, just so all the suffering would end.

Hi Sarah

My wife Dawn died today at 2am, I was holding her hand and stroking her hair. A serious release for her but clearly still devastating for me. Now Im a massive tea drinker. Massive hole for me now because I cared for her full time.

Hi Sarah I am now nearly 2 years on from loosing my wife of 30 years. It’s difficult I know but try and self motivate . And think all the good things. And be open about talking that’s roughly how I done things. It’s hard and I feel for you 

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss. It’s very bittersweet isn’t it? We don’t want to lose them but we don’t want them to suffer! 
You must be feeling all sorts of emotions right now and I completely understand all of them.

just know, you are not alone…. 
your grief is your grief to deal with however you see fit for however long.

im here if you need to talk

sarah

Thank you for your response. Just a thought have you thought of talking to a doctor. How about 10mg of citalopram for short term. I used it for just a week and stopped, did help me at times and may use it again.