Feeling so lonely today

Sending some hugs your way.

• I feel your pain, I don't no how we keep going but somehow we have to, sometimes it's a dark and lonely life, sending a hug to you,  

I hope you are feeling slightly more positive today. 

I was only 49 and my husband 47 when this awful disease took him.

I've yet to have our sons weddings but my 22 year old left home for college recently and our 16 year old will be driving soon all things my husband has missed and that makes me so upset and angry. 

I hate to acknowledge I will live longer without him as we only had 19 years together and that's a depressing lonely future, but I try and find things to fill my day, I can't allow myself to look too far in advance.  

Please know we all understand and a lot of us feel the same way and just by posting you will have helped someone. 

Take care 

Hi

Yes I am feeling a bit better today  thank you.
That must have been hard for you when your son moved out - I remember how upset I was when our daughter left for uni and I still had Dave and our son at home at that point  

Its almost unbearable isn’t it to think of the milestone events that they are going to miss  and to envision a life without them  

I agree about not looking too far ahead. I hear people planning holidays and things for the coming months and next year and asking me what I’ll be doing. What I really want to say is that I’ll be doing whatever I can to get through another day and no way am I making plans

Take care 

Jillian 

Hello Jillian

How well I understand how you are feeling. I also try to hide from people how I am really feeling? Just some unexpected things happened yesterday which made me cry again. Like I can't take his name off the letterbox. Also his e mail address is still open. All too soon

Fed up with people telling me what to do or if I am going back to the UK? Shall do what I want and when!

Thinking of you all out there in similar situations

Big hug Fifinet xx

Yes the little things can floor you can’t they. I keep getting notified by Instagram that Dave is on there - but I don’t want to close down his account 

And then Amazon photos sent me this memory - Dave ringing the bell after finishing his radiotherapy three years ago

I can understand the feeling of not knowing how to get through rest of life without the person who gave meaning to your life. I like the idea of choosing to be happy because it is good for your health. It just feels so hard to imagine at the moment. My husband of 36 years died very recently on 6 July and I am finding it so hard. I started off being focused on being busy and proactive about seeing friends, continuing with our social group and going back to work. Now really struggling and feel as if my body is full of stress hormones, not finding it easy to eat well and getting aches and pains and feeling tired. 

Just got a tax return request from HMRC which added more stress- although friends have offered to help.

We did not have children and other family do not live locally. I am also feeling that I am letting my husband down by struggling so badly without him. Friends are being supportive however do have their own lives to live and get on with. They are all making plans for the future when I am finding it hard to plan ahead at all....I am also feeling I need to try and put on a brave face...

Just got an email from a friend hoping that I am doing well....I know that people do struggle to know what to say...she is someone who has been on their own for some time.

I feel caught between stages of life as well. I am 60 and we were thinking about retiring in 3 years time. We had a very full life so it is not that we had retirement plans in place as such that we had put off and now will not happen. Just that I feel lost...not really ready for retirement on my own however finding it hard to focus on work. I know that the advice is not to make any major changes too soon...

My husband did his best to provide for me financially when he got his unexpected and late diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, which I do appreciate, however it just all feels so hard to go on without him. 

I suppose that I also hope that I can find some way to build a new life....

Dear Christa 

Just wanted to say how well I understand how you are feeling. Since coming back on this forum I have felt less alone.

Every posting resounds with me and our feelings are so raw and the slightest thing can tip us over. 

It really is minute by minute, and if we have "survived " a whole day? Whew! It is already exhausting I find just to get up in the morning and have a shower. But yesterday I treated myself to a new hairdo and did feel better. Small things.

Baby steps each day. I haven't been to a counsellor yet, but will do at the end of the month. In French as well! I have double the work to do I always say here. Also contacting Cancer Support France too, which has all come from this great support line. Many thanks.

I won't say have a good day, as it really is meaningless to me at the moment, and you all will understand what I mean.

Love and hugs 

Fifinet.