4 months on

Carpetbagger,

Firstly, you, I and everyone else, should be feeling exactly how WE want to feel; not how others expect us to, I've decided no-one will question me on that. 

To feel as 'bad' now only shows your love. I feel the same every day. I am trying my best to get on with things as I know it would be hoped/expected that that's what I'd do. I've built, without realising it until recently, an invisible shield which is getting me through each day it seems. I can't describe what I mean really, it's just a get through the day feeling and that is what I'm trying to do,

I think I know what you mean about 'back to normal' but the truth is we are nowhere near that stage. Will we ever be? It hasn't yet been three months for me but it feels like years. Others go back to their lives far easier and I guess that is normal too.

Talk as much as you want to. True friends and family ought to listen and understand the reasons for you still wanting to talk. Me? I've never been much of a talker.

I'm unsure as to whether it will get easier but I'm certain that I want to be here. I hope you can feel like that too.

Take care,

WDJ

I know exactly what you mean. My wife left me just over 3 months ago. I wasn't offered any counselling. I run my own business and have down very little since all this happened. I too feel as if I am surplus to requirements. One thing I do know, is, I no longer fear death as I know my darling wife will be waiting to guide me. I am close to my sister, but she doesnt understand. I am currently away at our Italian house which I travelled to after 6 weeks as this was the place my wife loved. I brought her with my and she will be staying here. Before I left, I still had all the sympathy cards up. They still are in the UK. My sister keeps asking when will I take the cards down and also when will I start to dispose of my wifes clothes both in the UK and Italy. My response is always, I dont know if I ever will do. Her make-up and toothbrush are still in the bathroom. All of her belongings are all in the same place. The only things I have disposed of is her medication and items whih was required to care for her at home. I know she would want me to continue with life, but it is very difficult.

Thank you for replying Steve. I haven’t got rid of anything either. His toothbrush and shaving things are all in a drawer along with his watch and other personal belongings. I doubt I will get rid of his clothes. There aren’t that many as we moved 6 months prior to his death and I got rid of anything that didn’t fit him then. The cards are in a folder and I look at them often. I had an extremely bad day at the weekend and even phoned the Samaritans. Just my luck that they were all busy and told me to phone back. Sods law. Fortunately my daughter phoned and I poured it all out to her, poor thing. The days without him seem pointless and endless. I know none of us in this group want to be here but it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Take care x

You are not alone, it does take time, i am coming up to nearly 3years, and at the start i did not think i would get this far,

How could i go on, he was the other half of me i was cut in half, and did not know who i was without him.

We had been together since i was 16 and him 17, we had our golden wedding,

So who was i, it has taken me this long to start finding out, it is hard i must Amit,

Take it slowly and do things when you are ready, not when people tell you to.

You will get there  in your own way, i wish you both an easy road ahead.

Ellie xx