Hello people. Like Staffiemum I am recently widowed. My beloved husband, soulmate and best friend passed away 11 weeks ago today. He battled cancer for almost four years but succumbed to both the rampant metatasis and in the end pneumonia. We were today for 30 years and our world centred around family with a few good friends. The friends are being a magnificent support but I just feel a great hole inside. We were true soulmates and had a deeply caring and loving relationship that, at the moment, means that life is meaningless without him.
I am carrying on with all the mundane daily chores etc but cannot forget the last traumatic 6 weeks of his life. Do those memories really fade so that I can remember him with a smile and not tears? I am not suicidal and we always new that one of us would pass away before the other and discussed and prepared for that event. I also aways said I didnt want to go first as I thought that I would cope better being such a practical person but now I dont feel that I am coping emotionally anywhere near as well as I thought I would.
Some words of wisdom, advice, coping mechanisms when the tears start and I cant turn them off welcomed. This coming week has three memorable dates - my birthday, our wedding anniversary and his birthday so I know that things will be difficult.
Regards to All
BrandyGirl
I have no words of wisdom I’m afraid. It’s truly horrible. My husband’s birthday was 24th April and his funeral was 21st April. I am absolutely dreading Christmas. A time he loved but the thought of celebrating without him and not putting his name on our cards is awful. I never used to cry but I seem to do it a lot now. I cry alone and let it happen. People think I’m a happy smiling person but inside I am broken. I have found that writing to him has helped me. It was every day to begin with but has slowed down a bit now. It’s just things that only he and I would understand and anyone who found the notebook would probably think I was totally crazy! Xx
Thanks for replying Carpetbagger. The crying bit I do freely as everyone has told me to let it out but I hate doing it 'in public' outside of the house. I have always been a very emotional person so thats not going to change - laugh a lot (altho not done much of that lately) and cry a lot. Two weeks after his death I had to go to the Dtrs surgery for myself as I had a cold sore that had gone rampant across my face - low immune due to stress. Dtr was kind and prescribed antiviral meds which worked. But while I was waiting in the surgery I suddenly heard all the romantic songs they were playing in the background and found it difficult to hold back the tears and then the song that we had played at our wedding came on. You can imagine how I was. First time out of the house on my own too. I dont want to start on pills to keep me calm as its not the answer but I have to find a way past the tears. I have been 'talking' to his picture in the lounge - as though he is there when I am on my own so I do understand what you said about writing to him. I hope I can just get to the stage where I can talk about him to others without the tears but it hurts so much and before I know it I am down a rabbit hole.
I wrote thank you cards to the people who sent sympathy cards and who wouldnt be attending the funeral as I knew that would be a step to signing just my name and that did help. As for Christmas I have told family that I will be ok on my own as Christmas was a special time for the two of us and after our parents had passed on we made Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just for us. Boxing Day and the rest of the celebrations up to new year was for family and friends. I already know I need this Christmas Eve and Day just to be at home alone with my special memories. Celebrating our Love and all the wonderful times we had over the years.
I hope you have the opportunity to 'celebrate' in your own way.
Take Care
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