Triggers

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i lost Sean 10 days ago and ive been putting it off but today i ventured out to do a food shop. I was only going to the funeral home and friends/families homes before so i didnt bump into people. i thought i would brave the shops but to limit seeing people i know, venture a little bit out of town. I was doing okay - then i got to an aisle full of yogurts and trifles, things i would usually pick up for Sean. i never thought something like that would send me off. i just wanted to get in my car race home curl up and cry!

Our home is a constant reminder - i cant even bring myself to wash the last cup he used or move his tissues from the window sill. Our bed is still wrapped up in the shed because for the last 4 weeks he was home he was in a hospital bed, so im still sleeping on the day bed we put in out bedroom - i cant face sleeping in our bed without him right now. Those were the triggers i was expecting to set me off - not items in a shop! i know it is early days but crying over a trifle seems crazy.

Elfy over 1 year ago

I was the same, first venture out to the local shops, managed wilko for cat food but had to put my basket down in Tesco as the song playing was Stevie Wonder singing for once in my life I have someone who needs me… I’m not alone anymore! Cried all the way home behind a covid mask. Guy and I loved doing the Sainsburys shop on Saturday, we did everything together. I still 18 months on cannot go into that supermarket. Too many triggers from aisles, things we used to eat that I no longer can face alone to the silly little in jokes he used to play! My family look at me like I’m stupid or mad or both, they just don’t ‘get’ it. Feels like this pain will never go away. It’s such a lonely life.
love and hugs to everyone.

WDJ over 1 year ago

Mrs SP and Elfy,

This was one of the hardest moments days after my wife's death too. I was in the supermarket and walking along an isle and realised that I was shopping for myself! It hit me really hard. Just the sudden reality of it all thinking no I don't want/need this and that.

I sense the truth is that it is the simplest of things that we all miss so much - and that is why others just don't understand.

Take care,

WDJ

Staffiemum over 1 year ago

Hi...I totally understand this ...I lost my husband of 44 years a month ago. We lost our only son in 2010 . Triggers are everywhere. I still see my son in many places I learned to cope with that by acknowledging it. I used to have to leave shops if I saw foods he liked or things I bought for him ...or if I saw a person who resembled him...I learned to use the experience to say to myself ...he was better looking or taller and tried to smile and say hi to him in my heart . Losing my husband has opened up all those triggers again...its really hard. I see him everywhere around the house and miss everything we did together. I'm trying to use the same coping strategies but it's early days...we rarely had a day apart and had a lovely marriage.

You are not crazy . Grief is the price we pay for love. Give yourself time to cry and talk to Sean out loud or in your head . You will develop coping skills but try and be kind to yourself. Take time out to just breathe and sit with your thoughts and memories. Take care..sending hugs...Pam..xx

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