It is almost 4 weeks since my kind & loving Steve died.
I cannot stop thinking about the lack of medical care and pain suffered over the last 24 hours at home and cannot see how I continue without him.
I’ve looked at previous posts and can see these feelings of pointlessness and loss are going to be here for a very long time.
I feel for you in your loss. It does seem as though the feeling of pointlessness and loss will go on for quite a long time, as I am still getting these feelings 7 months from when my Lin died. I have been having weekly bereavement counselling for several months and I find it a great help but it is going to go to fortnightly sessions after next week, so will have to see how that goes. I went to a local bereavement café this week and found that quite beneficial as it was just a group of bereaved people chatting about their loved ones they had lost and how they feel and cope, etc. Somehow, and I know this seems odd, it felt a bit uplifting in a way.
My advice is to get whatever support you can get but only when you're ready to do so.
Stay strong.
Derek
Today marks 20 months since I lost Chris. I can’t believe that I’ve got this far without my rock by my side but I have. I still miss him so much that it hurts but somehow I get through the days and the nights too. I have days when I don’t want to do much but I decided some time ago that I wasn’t going to worry about that- it’s part of my grieving process. What I still can’t believe is how exhausting the process is- not just the physical ‘running the house on my own’ but the getting up and facing the world, doing the things Chris would want me to keep doing. How I wish things were different, don’t we all? But I have been blessed with some truly wonderful friends and our boys are such supportive young men and for that, I try very hard to be grateful.
So my feeling is that be kind to yourself, take each day ( or each hour if that works better for you) as it comes. And use this site- it’s full of folk, who sadly, get it
Take care, stay safe
x
You are so right, it’s the having to make decisions on your own and getting on with our new life without the support of our partner to talk over with.
I have an amazing daughter and we have grown so much more close since Rob died 10 months ago, she was such a daddies girl.
I find that when friends ask how I am I just say I’m OK, not always true. My daughter said about father’s day last year which was the last time we went out as a family. we were waiting for Robs chemo to start and he was so unwell but wanted to have a family meal even though he ate very little. It was the last family outing we had.
Everyday is painful still but nothing is going to bring Rob back and it’s a case of doing my best to continue my life as he wanted me too.
Take care everybody today.
Love is eternal
xx
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