Loss of my wife

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you but it's very natural to have good days and bad days. I find when I am struggling with low days (due to cancer treatment myself) that keeping busy and distracted helps me.  Best wishes 

I'm  OK when I'm working it's when I am at home by myself  and jean is not here I struggle 

Hi Andrew, your earlier comments about what Jean May think and the impact on your children, etc.. is,I suspect, what keeps many of us going it is for me. I know my Sharon would be very angry if I ended things, she left a very clear message with a close friend that I was to get on with my life and enjoy it best way I could. At times it is very hard but then I must clear my mind then ask myself the questions… what would Sharon want me to do and would it make her happy ?

My psychologist also gave me a good suggestion to address our loss of true reality due to overwhelming grief. He suggested whenever I am out & about to stop and take in your actual surroundings, enjoy the breeze in the trees, listen to birdsong, look more closely at flowers etc.. because these are true reality in life. The aim of this exercise is to slowly get our minds to re-engage with reality all around us. I have trained myself to do this when walking our dog and I can see it does help to calm my thoughts and to once again start to appreciate the simple things in life that cost us nothing to enjoy.

It may not feel like it now but as time passes you will find you have longer periods when you do not feel so emotional. When you do never hold your emotions back just let them go and you will feel much better afterwards. Finally remember even on the occasions you may enjoy a laugh with friends, etc… you will never forget Jean and she will always be with you.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Best Wishes,

Paul

Hello

that procedure taking in surroundings is actually a therapy I have heard of .

think this is it

First, you may want to start with a simple deep breathing exercise called the 5-5-5 method. To do this, you breathe in for 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, and then breathe out for 5 seconds.

You can continue this process until your thoughts slow down or you notice some relief.

When you can find your breath, try practicing the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. For that, you want to look around and focus on:

• 5 things you see
• 4 things you feel
• 3 things you hear
• 2 things you smell
• 1 thing you taste

i actually think I can do this sitting my car in a car park, having my Subway foot long sandwich.

i will have to give it a try, couldn’t do this outdoors I suppose, but I guess it’s to distract and re focus your mind.

Thanks for the 5-5-5 I think I've got something similar on my watch go help me breathing ,I will try it