Hi, I’m another “new here” guy & didn’t think it was really my thing. But from reading just a few of the messages / replies, I have already found it very helpful. To hear some of the common things others are feeling that I hadn’t really even acknowledged as associated with bereavement has been reassuring.
I lost my beautiful wife just over 6 weeks ago to breast cancer.
She was in fact diagnosed 20 years ago just a few years after we married, so cancer & treatments have been a part of our lives for some time (even though it never dominated our lives).
I had been caring for MMaria at home for the last couple of years as her condition progressed. In many ways I have now realised that this has magnified the sense of loss / lack of purpose I am feeling. We spent every hour of every day in each other’s company and it meant that I was also always kept very busy, juggling work, care, home & family. Now the days feel endless. Despite this sudden abundance of time on my hands, I couldn’t understand why I constantly feel exhausted - so reading others’ experiences has helped me realise that it seems it’s pretty normal
I find myself doing all sorts of weird & random chores just to keep myself constantly busy - I suppose because then I tend not to get lost with my thoughts. I have 2 teenage kids, so much of my focus has been on them. One piece of advice I did get from someone that I have found helpful is not to try to hide my feeling from them when “having a moment”. The natural tendency is to try to constantly be strong for them and always be upbeat. But sometimes, seeing you have moments of sadness signals to them that it’s ok & normal for them to feel the same. Sounds obvious but sometimes (like so many things) you need it pointing out.
Despite the sadness, I also feel so blessed for the time we had together - particularly the last couple of years. So many never get the luxury of time to just be together and say the things you want to say. Equally, as painful as the last days were, being able to be with her night and day and hold her in her last moments is something that I will always look back on with fondness ironically rather than sadness.
Anyway - just wanted to say thanks for sharing all your experiences - really comforting to know that there are others who really do understand how you’re feeling. Still early days & taking things one days at a time
R
