What is your best advice?

1. Hi, I lost my first husband after 43 years, in the process of seeing my new lovely husband of 10 years through a poor prognosis.  I found after my first loss I rushed  out to meet life too fast, joined walks, clubs etc made new friends.  With hindsight I should have gone away to a lovely hotel or spa and been pampered and treated myself and recovered my equalibrium.  Find you old self think about what you love and enjoy and meet people who are radiators and not drains, take care in your choice of friends.  Do not let circumstances create your friendship group without thinking through if they are right for you.  I found I quite liked my own company and silence more than bussle and chat and rushing around.  Best wishes find the sunshine times dont feel guilty or if only thoughts life is full of hurdles you will slowly find peace and joy again.and begin to enjoy your new stage in life.

Hi 

I too had to return to work quickly as I was in a new job! But I was very glad I did. I found keeping busy and clearing everything was the best approach for me..

I never had counseling, only had the odd teary day and none now really.

We are all different and deal with it all differently.

Take care and don't get angry with yourself if you lapse at all

Love and hugs Alison XXX

Good morning, 

I am so sorry you are here having gone through something so traumatic. I lost my wife 6 months after diagnosis and it was frightening to say the least.

My advice would be to take small steps. You'll likely have a bit of paperwork to do but don't feel pressured into sorting it out unless it helps you cope. It sounds like you have strong support around you so try to take them up on any help. It'll take time adjusting to your new "normal". I'm almost a year down the line and I don't think I have adjusted yet. It's such a big change that you have to deal with that and the grief of him not being there. The hardest thing I found was coming home to an empty house. 

Look after yourself and if you are offered any counselling, consider it if you think it'll help. 

I come on here when I have a cry and a worry and the people are just amazing. 

Thanks to all who took time to reply so quickly. Great advice and shows that people do grieve in different ways.

I’m 6 months in to this horrible journey. I took time off work & I was supported with a long phased return, I’ve now opted to only work par time. In the initial weeks I was busy with funeral and financial arrangements, don’t forget to claim your bereavement support payment. I made sure I had at least 2 arrangements in my diary each week for walks with friends, coffee & lunch meet ups and I got back to my swim group quite quickly which helped significantly with the poor sleep.

There is no right or wrong do what feels right for you xx

Dear Lemonpinklady,

Firstly, my sincerest condolences to you and your daughters on your loss.

It's been nearly 3 years since my darling Margaret passed and while it hasn't been easy, I was given one piece of advice early on that really hit home for me.

I was crying in my beer with my best mate, John, telling him how I didn't know how I could live my life without her.

John said "Well, why don't you just try living it with the love she left behind?".

Smart bastard, my mate John. :-)

Every day I try to live my life in a way that would make Marg proud. Our sons do. Our daughters-in-law do. Our grandchildren do.

At the end of your journey, the sun will still rise.
As will you.

Hang in there, sweetheart.

Hi, I’m so sorry you find yourself here and right now, I would imagine your feelings and emotions to be all over the place.

 I can only try to explain how it’s been for me over the nearly, last 6 months. Initially, I think I was in shock, although Mart had been diagnosed nearly 3 years earlier but I seemed to be able to complete all the necessary paperwork etc and plan his funeral. I dreaded his funeral. Then his brother got Covid, so couldn’t attend the funeral, this led to a complete breakdown of our relationship, both he and my sister in law, stopped communicating with me, still aren’t. 

I got worse after the funeral, reality started to kick in and maybe, loosing their support, was like a second loss. But, I have a daughter and a granddaughter who live me, so I tried my best for them. 

It’s hard, but I do find reading all the posts in here therapeutic, make me realise we’re all different and yet we’re all the same. What I’m feeling or experiencing, is or has been felt by another, grieving a loved one. 

I know I’m lonely, I miss him, 48 years with someone is a long time.

We relocated to south Devon before first lockdown and so, I don’t really know anyone but I get out and about, trying to make connections.  Distraction, is the thing that helps me. 

In the days, weeks and months ahead, hopefully you’ll get offers from friends or family who want to help and support you , take your time, do what you feel you need and mostly just put one foot in front of the other and try kind to yourself. 

Sendng you the biggest hug……Linda

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, your advice is so helpful.

Hello

i just had to comment, on your friend Johns words “Well, why don't you just try living it with the love she left behind?".

really made me think, it’s amazing how a few words can affect your outlook, thank you for sharing that