How can l carry on without him?

Hi Neve

• Im further down this road of hell than you but know what you saying. I came very close to speeding up joining my other half but my children must of sensed something as they all came round and I listened to them. It made me realise they also struggle in a different way but they made me realise how much it would affect them. So I’m still here but it’s for them not me. It doesn’t stop me hoping a car will skid off road and hit me on the way to the shop. I now live for my children and their family but for me I’m stuck in this waiting game. People keep telling me to join this group or that group but I just can’t get over, what is the point. The one thing that has helped me abit is keeping a journal of all my thoughts as no way could I tell anyone, it doesn’t stop the loneliness, the hurt etc but it’s my way of coping I suppose. I hope you find a way that works for you but your family does need you

 from peapen

Hello Neve
I have a lot of family support, and my Children have helped me a lot, but it doesn’t really take the pain or feeling of total less away. For a brief time, while I am chatting to them or sometimes visiting, the pain does ease considerably, but as soon as I am on my own again, it all floods back.
I am at 7 months and I just don’t know how I got through the first few, I could never have imagined how very painful it would be. My GP prescribed an anti depressant, and it has helped a lot, in that I can now get through a day, without crying the whole time and wishing I wasn’t here.Medication isn’t for everyone, my friend who lost his Wife didn’t take any, but had some counselling, we are all different. But it’s definitely worth seeing a GP, as we all need some form of help.

I don’t like this new reality one little bit, but I want to be strong enough to manage,  Linda would hate to see me suffering, so I’ll do my best, if for no other reason than for her.

thinking of you x
take care

How do you carry on?

I put one foot in front of the other, because it's not my time.  Some of us wish out loud that we could be with our soul mates a dozen times a day, pray every night that we don't wake up, but we carry on because there is no-way that we would put our families through this again.  I have seen the hurt in my sons eyes, heard the tears over the phone while they are at work, when something triggers a memory of their Mum.  I get days that mean getting out of bed isn't an option, they are getting fewer after 8 months, does it mean that I care less, hurt less, NO, it means that I am getting better at putting one foot in front of the other.

Be gentle with yourself, you will feel as if you have been cut in half, and the most important half has gone, your husband would disagree if he were here -maybe it's our job to be your sounding board, I hope so.  Tomorrow might be a day where you can cope a little more, it might be next week, just plod on.

Well summed up Andy. I am further down the line too but I love the phrase move forward not on. I can't remember who said that here first but it is so true.

My children have always kept me going. There is always something.positive in every day however small. 

I try not to go on about bereavement but will also talk openly if necessary. Strangely we all find that odd bit of strength to go on.

Keep going Neve, things do get better

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. I do take notice of all what you all say xx, l know that l am not alone in my struggle.

I also know that my family should be enough to help me, but it is just those moments when l feel that l cannot go on without Pete xx.

I do not know how my mum did it when my dad passed away at 57 years old, and she was left with 4 younger children as well as the older ones. xx

Thank you once again for all your messages. xx

I was married for 53years and i know how you are feeling.

It is still early days for you, i am two years down the line,i carry on one day at a time, it is not easy, i do not live but exist,

I carry on for my family and grandchildren and i know my husband would want me to, i can hear him saying do not give up, you are loved and yes needed.

We never ever thought this would happen who does, it happens to other people, it is a road i would not want any one to travel, but we are now on this road, and one day we will reach our goal what ever that may be,

Please take time one foot in front of the other and you will get there.

Take Care Ellie x

I was with my husband from 17 and on Friday aged 52 I held his funeral after an 11 week battle with cancer. I don't know how to go on or how to understand I'll never speak to him again. Anyone out there that can help please so. I get your pain 

Oh my heart goes out to you, it’s so raw, so painful, I remember those first few weeks. I think I actually deteriorated after the funeral, before, there was so much to do, then afterwards, the reality hit.

Its now nearly 5 months since I lost my husband Mart, we were together 48 years, I can’t remember a life without him. But, we have a daughter and a granddaughter, so I try to put one foot in front of the other for their sake and I know if Mart could, he would telling me to do my best, but it’s hard.

 I know the kind hearted people on here will be along soon, to offer words of comfort, but remember you’re not alone, people on here understand. 

Try to be kind to yourself……big hugs, much love Linda xx

I lost my 24 year old son to cancer just in a year.I feel lost and everything look different to me without my son.People don't realise,  they send me pictures of their sons and talk about them.Is there any one going through the same

Hello

its so difficult knowing what to say, words of comfort help very little. I was in pieces for several weeks after my Linda passed, couldn’t stop crying, begging her to come back, total disbelief that she could be gone forever. Just couldn’t see how I could go on in a life without her, so yes I know exactly how you feel. I have known Linda since she was 17, married for 14 years divorced, and remarried her again in 2008. We were true soulmates.

It’s so cruel to lose a partner in this way, right now you need to grieve and hopefully have support from family and friends, I know they can’t do much, they can’t undo the terrible pain you are in, but just be there for you.

you will find it impossible to believe that the pain does ease over time, I am at 8 months now, and just managing to keep up with every day life. I have no interest or enthusiasm for anything really, just do the basic housework, eat and drink. Even mealtimes still bring on the tears, remembering discussing what and how to cook with my Linda.

there are still many triggers that bring back the tears, silly simple things, which bring back memories.

it’s going to be a very long slow process to feel capable to live this new reality.

Please allow yourself time to grieve, be kind to yourself, don’t pressure yourself to do anything you can’t manage, take your time.

thinking of you x