Additional Time off Work

Hello Mcs Mrs only 1 month since you've lost your husband is far too soon to go back to work, in my opinion. You have so much to deal with and that can go on for ages, changing bills into your name only and dealing with the legal stuff isn't a five minute job. I think your email says the right things. I would be surprised if your boss would think it was right for you to return to work so soon. I went back after 7 weeks on phased return  (I work 3 days in retail) but reduced my hours to 15. I had been off about 7 months previous caring for Colin before he died 5.4.20 

I hope your boss speaks or visits you to talk to you personally, they have a duty of care to their employees and should be compassionate to your need to grieve, unfortunately we can't turn the grief off during working hours. 

Take your time and don't go back too soon x

Thank you for the reassurance.  I haven’t even started the paperwork, financial, legal stuff yet I just can’t let myself go there yet.

I like you have had lots of time in and out of the business to care for Mc which they were great with, but then began putting some pressure on in the summer which forced me to burn the candle at both ends.  It’s the guilt that comes with not being able to face going to work alongside everything else.

Got a standard reply of sorry to hear this let me know what your gp recommends! Very PC. However my boss and her director did come to Mcs funeral last week which was a 2hr drive away her.

Going back to work was good for me and the apprehension of walking into work and having colleagues say how sorry they are and how nice it is to have you back gives you the fight or flight feeling (also that sick feeling) but it has to be faced at some point, we know that, but the company won't close down and you have good reason to have time off to deal with 'stuff' that only you can deal with. Legal stuff took me ages and because I'm no computer whizz doing probate made me want to launch it out of the window many a time

One step/day at a time. X

Hi, I'm so sorry you are here.  Please don't put any pressure on yourself re work.  A month in is so soon.  If you can, please take some time for you and I hope your employers can understand that's what you need to do.  I was off work for three months after Nic died as I was a mess and had a lot to sort out.  I went back for three months and then left as I just couldn't commit myself properly to it and also realised how much I didn't like my job.

I hope you can work through these early days and focus on you, not on work.  It is so important that you put yourself first as it is so much to deal with.

You'll have loads of support on this site so please keep in touch about how you are feeling.  I've gained so much from posting about all and everything and we're all at different stages of this journey so have our experiences to share.

Sending all best wishes.

in reply to Mcs Mrs

Sounds very good, 

Fortunately I am retired, but even at 7 months I don’t know how I could possibly go to work, am still struggling with day to day life. Hopefully you can give yourself time to be ready to return to work, maybe when you do return, you could do part time, afternoons maybe or 2 days a week, good luvk

Mcs Mrs I wouldn't even think about returning to work at the moment, as for using holiday entitlement to have time off what kind of boss are you working for! My husband died October 2021 and I didn't consider returning to work until mid January. I had popped into work a couple of times which helped me to see everyone. My Gp supported me with a long phased return (2Months) and was clear about amended hours and duties, my boss has been nothing but understanding and feels privileged that I have returned to work. Go back when you feel ready is my advice and you will know when that time is. Be kind to yourself xx

For me I had to go to work. Unfortunately financially I couldn’t afford not to as I was only getting Stat sick pay and the bills kept coming. My employers(mostly) were supportive and didn’t pressure me at all to go back but after a month I had no choice. I was dreading it and even now 5 months later I still have to close my office door sometimes and have a cry. It’s difficult not to get annoyed at clients that are whining that they need to move house straight away as the stress is getting to them - sometimes I just want to scream at them that they should be thankful that they are getting to live their life with their husband wife partner whatever. 
However on the whole going back to work was good for me. I work in a small branch office with some colleagues I now class as friends so they are all really supportive. For me sitting in the house alone made my head spin with all the what ifs etc. I have to keep busy to try to keep the thoughts at bay  I know im not giving  work the attention o used to but they’re ok with that  Allowances are being made 

We all just have to do what we can to get through it and there is no right or wrong way  

Take care everyone  

Hi

I went back to work after a week. My husband died suddenly in the end. I then took three days off for the funeral. 

I needed to be busy and think about something else. But that is me! There is no right or wrong. I also was in a new job and would not have been paid for more than 5 days! 

A couple of months later, we had all the isolation for covid. That was awful because although I still went to work, hours were different and we were not busy! Too much thinking time! I also couldn't scatter his ashes as planned! 

Take time to do as you need to do as long as your job is safe.

Love and hugs Alison xxx