I suspect this is a very long shot but I’m desperate… And, apologies, I’m not a widow yet (though it’s just a matter of time)
My husband is 42 & received a terminal dx in November (recurrent incurable salivary gland cancer). Only treatment option is broad spectrum chemo so zero hope of a miracle cure.
We have 2 kids (11 & 3) & Im pregnant with our 3rd. The eldest is my husband’s son from his first marriage. His wife sadly died of metastatic breast cancer when their son was 3. My stepson has been diagnosed with significant developmental trauma and has some very challenging behaviours.
And now his worst nightmare has come to pass: his dad is dying.
We are already receiving support from the local Maggie’s centre and the hospice’s family support team. We’re also aware of the various child bereavement charities (& I have some professional experience in this too). We are working with a family psychologist and receiving pre-bereavement counselling from thr hospice.
What we desperately need is to connect with very specialist advice and support to help us think through the options for my stepson’s care / guardianship after my husband’s death. NB. We have taken legal advice so know what the options are and how to arrange them.
It’s emotional support we need - from someone who has specific relevant experience. We’re so tired of hearing how ‘unprecedented’ and ‘unique’ our situation is. We’ve even had professionals cry on us. And it’s so isolating.
Even our - brilliant - family support worker at the hospice (with 20yrs experience of child bereavement) has never met a family in our situation. She’s supported a handful of families where one birth parent had died and the 2nd was terminally ill, but there was no stepparent in any of these cases (& the kids went on to live with other family members or into foster care when the remaining parent died).
Everyone (friends, family, professionals) has assumed that I will be my stepson’s sole legal guardian and that I’ll raise him as ‘one of my own’, along with my 2 younger kids. My husband is keen for me to adopt his son. But I’m not sure I can manage on my own. My stepson’s behaviours are very challenging and he already demands a huge amount of our energy and headspace.
My husband is reluctant to talk about any of this - which makes it impossible to even explore what the options might be.
Is anyone else in this situation? Or knows someone who is? Or can recommend some relevant resources / support org / anything???
I don’t want to sound ungrateful but I’m already aware of the various child bereavement charities etc. We need very specific advice and support - not generic stuff.
Thank you.
