I never wanted kids, changing nappies and sleepless nights weren’t for me thanks! but that all changed the moment I saw the two lines of the pregnancy test. I was 18 at the time, we’d only eloped a few months prior. Nathaniel was over the moon especially after hearing we were having identical boys. He cried his head off at the delivery, I can’t believe Abel and Phoenix are almost 3 now. I think he was a little upset when he realised that I’d given birth to two little versions of myself. The boys are my little mini-mes.
Now Delilah is 15 months. She’s so much like her dad it scares me, the same smile, the same laugh, the same jet black hair and huge green eyes. He loved the boys to death, but he worshiped the ground she walked on. His little princess, I was his queen, the boys were his princes.
But now it’s just me and my children. Nathaniel’s gone. I don’t actually think I would have made it without my kids to force me to keep going. I felt completely empty most days, I just cried and moped around. You aren’t meant to loose your husband, not ever! But I did at 20! How was that fair!
i was only a few months along when he died, he’s a twin himself, so was his grandma. Twins run in the family but I never thought I’d be having two sets.
Im actually two and a half week past my due date. I’m going to be induced at hospital in the morning. 16 hours and I’m going to be a 21 year old widowed mum off 5.
My sister AND best friend have just come down with bloody covid! I’m originally from Australia so all my family is half way round the world. My god mother, Aunt Lelia and my cousin have all just hopped onto a plane but they won’t be here on time. I have to be induced 7 o’clock on the dot!
im going to be all alone as I give birth. No Nathaniel, no family, giving birth alone in the hospital my husband was pronounced dead at. I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. But I have to stay strong. I keep telling myself that: I need to stay strong. And I do! But I’ve got no clue on what’s going to happen.
I just want him so much. I just want him to kiss me and tell me everything is ok. Just wish my husband was here to fix things. But he isn’t and I can’t help but feel scared about every little thing. I can’t do this on my own. Why did he leave me here? Me and my kids. I just need him so bad.
Ivy
Oh my Ivy
I wish you strength but reading all you have already survived you definitely have lots.
I know its not the same but the midwives will be lovely and you won't be alone. Your husband will be in your heart and I hope the birth goes as well as it can do and you and your babies are healthy.
I'm sending you a big hug and try sleep tonight
Oh darling, I’m a grandma, Ma to little Florence, my daughters, daughter.
Nathaniel, may not be physically by your side but when you’ve shared such a love, to make five little humans, you’ll always be joined together by an invisible thread, and it seems you see him daily, in little Delilah. Soon, two new life’s will soon be there with you, maybe Nathaniel mini me’s, or maybe mini you’s, you’ll soon find out, five children is a lot of work but also a lot of love and you sound like an amazing woman, and yes, with good, kind, supportive midwives, it’ll be ok.
I and I’m sure others like me, care, we’d be there to help if we could.
Stay strong sweetheart …..much love xxx
Hi Ivy,
This sounds like an amazing moment ahead. I understand how scary it can be, but you'll be fine. New births are an amazing counterbalance to the ones we lost in the cycle of life.
Stay strong, I'm sure you really are very strong already. Nathaniel is with you, always, and you will see him again all the time through your children growing.
You're amazing!
Sending you much love xx
Antoine
Oh Ivy
Wishing you well. I’m sure Nathaniel will be looking down on you. Not the same as having him there holding your hand, I know.
Sending hugs
Jane
xx
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