Hello,
It seems everybody is a bit quiet these days. I hope that everybody is feeling alright. I've been enjoying the few sunny days and don't mind the cold but the clouds are now back over my head and in it too.
I think that losing Juliette and having to face everything we faced made me a better person and I think that it's true for all of us. Once you've gone through something as big as losing your partner you don't see the world the same way. We have an awareness of what it means to suffer and I think that we're much more able to relate to anyone else's struggle. Grief made us more compassionate.
But somedays, like today, I just wish I could back for even half a day to my life from before, just being unaware (in French I'd use inconscient, but unconscious is not the same), just being happy with not a worry in the world and not having to work on my feelings, carry my daughters, and keep going trying to focus on the little good things I can find hoping for a brighter future when I won't find so lonely at times, hopefully a brighter future with someone by my side.
That was today's rant. Heading to the seaside for a change of scenery, hopefully a bit of Sun at some point, or a storm, or something.
Take care xx
Hello Devin/Antoine/Steve/Spartacus 
yes, to go back to even half a day before cancer invaded our lives would be so nice. You're right, it is unusually quiet on this forum at the moment, I see that as a good thing maybe, either that or people have defected to Sue Ryder 
Today at 9.10pm marks 94 weeks since Colin passed away and waves of sadness wash over me quite often still 
I have started to make plans to decorate and a bloke is coming to start on Valentine's day- I cheekily said 'don't forget my card' - a sign of my old self coming back 
of course it was a joke but I am nervous about a workman being in the house and not having someone else there!! Wonder what he'll say when he sees my birthday cards from the day before!!! 
Hope you found some sunshine at the seaside 
the weather in NE England was definitely not sunny today
Stay Safe x
Hello Alison and Bootsy,
I think it's great that you two are redecorating. I have started some work on the house too. It could seem meaningless but I think it's actually part of the adjustments and taking the matter into our own hands. Curious to know if the decorator will indeed bring a valentine's card. That'd be funny!
Regarding the waves of sadness, yes I think we all have them and have to accept that it will part of us forever. What's important is our ability to allow those feelings still, knowing that we will able to bounce back to feeling alright again after that. Easier said than done sometimes but we do get there. 
Have a great day. xx
DevinAntoineSteveSpartacus (that's a long name now!)
I will pee my pants if a card arrives
Hi Donna, I boxed up my Royal Crown Derby paperweights over a year ago, they are valuable to the right people and I need to get to grips with eBay or something and sell them to declutter, as the saying goes. I used to work for Royal Doulton within House of Fraser so have a lot of nice china and crystal that has lost it's re-sale value but to collect dust that I no longer wish to keep clean! Down-sizing is on the cards and I looked at some show homes on a new estate, mostly for decorating ideas but no small properties were set for release at the moment.
Well done for getting stuck in and diying (doing it yourself ) we don't have much choice but to move forwards, and tackle jobs that we planned together and to change our surroundings, keeping our standards up like our partners would've wanted us to 
x
Lol!!!! I'm no Mrs Hinch but going grey in more ways than one x
