Still struggling to accept he's gone

Hi MelanieL 

28 weeks have passed since Ian left and I still feel so numb and empty inside. I can’t see a future and so just take one day at a time. X Julie 

Dear Julie, the passing of time can be a long, long time, and I suspect, it could be a case of we all, just get more accomplished at masking our feelings. 
Linda ….x

Tracy, I am so very sorry for your loss and for how much you are struggling. Hopefully 2022 will bring you some more comfort and hopefully some smiles and even laughter along the way too! Love XXX

Julie, it's still early days for you. I don't want this "it'll get better" to sound like an empty promise, because it isn't; it definitely will get easier, partly because we are getting used to the pain of loss, but partly also because we are moving forward day by day and thereby creating a small bit of future every minute and every hour and every day and every week and that allows the grief to be processed in us and we become more able to hold the pain, if that makes sense. X

Hi Linda,

After three and a half years, I can say that life did not stop, even though for a while - a couple of months after Paul's death - it felt like it had. But then I realised two things: The first one was that Paul would not want me to stop, Paul would not want me to feel that my life was over, Paul would not want me not to accept dinner invitations or holiday invitations; Paul would want me to live. And so I did my best.  And I have done my best ever since. And even though some moments are certainly painful and I miss him a lot almost all of the time, life over all is good. The second thing I realised: My grief would not get better, the pain would not lessen, if I sat at home waiting for ie; I realised that I needed to actively want to do something to feel less sad and lonely. Again, the invitations from family and friends helped, as well as did this wonderful, wonderful group of people here. Some of them have left, but many of them from those early days of my journey with grief are still here and I love our connection.

So my hope in a way for you is that, when the time is right for you, you will be able to gently embrace life again in whatever shape or form feels right for you, because you know your partner would want it and because you know that your pain can only lessen when you actively do something.

And please don't take this the wrong way anyone. I am not saying that it is a "mistake" if you feel your pain is overwhelming and if you don't feel ready. But what I want to say is that there is hope and that my hope for you is to find a little bit of that hope and resilience to actively move forward and that, if you can't do it for yourselves right now, that you can do it for you diseased loved one who would want you to do just that so so very much.

Lots of love XXX

Hi Melanie, for me it’s only 11 weeks since my husband of 48 years passed away. I’m grieving, it’s natural and my future life and my place in it will involve, naturally, I’ll just go with the flow, what will be, will be.

I understand that grief does not affect us just emotionally but physically, cognitively, socially and spiritually. It influences both how we think and behave and that all takes time for our minds to process. I researched what was ahead for me, I knew what was coming, I have found it hit me harder than I expected but I don’t have to explain that feeling to anyone on here, they’re all living it. 

Both Mart and I lived as part of a multigenerational family, our home has always been a very busy place. I can assure you, when I get up every morning at 6am to play with a 5 year old, whilst my daughter goes to care for her 3 horses, I would welcome a little more peace and quiet but that’s not likely.

I have and probably always will, put the needs of the people I love first. I try to hide my sadness because I don’t want my granddaughter to see it, she’s grieving her favourite playmate, I’ll not add to it, and actually I know my husband would want me to do whatever made me happy, he always did.  

I’m pleased you’ve found your way through your own grief and you are still trying to help others. I’m sure no one would take anything you say the wrong way, it’s obviously from your heart and it’s obviously a very big heart.

All my best….Linda xx