Last Thursday 4th Nov we had my darling Sharon’s funeral service. The next day I came away to a very isolated cottage in mid Wales accompanied by my brother and his partner for help and support, our dogs came also. We have enjoyed the total solitude, long walks and just resting, it has really done me good, still had lots of “moments of tears and sadness” but they fully understand and accept this. I don’t know how I will ever be able to repay them for all their kindness, support and help at the worst period of my life. Pretty sure without them I wouldn’t be where I am now ! Today I took a long walk just me and our little yorkie (Tilly)), and for most the time I spoke openly as if Sharon were by my side and pretended to hold her hand, little crazy I suppose but somehow I felt she was close to me and she hear what I was saying.
Problem now is we go home on Friday and I’m dreading it, returning to an empty house full of memories and reminders, and the fact I must face up to a totally different life living on my own. I just dont feel mentally or physically up to all the responsibilities and matters to be sorted on my own, I simply want to curl up, sleep and then wake up from what, part of me still believes, is a very very bad dream !
Despite all the R&R I have enjoyed this week, which is just what Sharon would have wanted for me), I must admit to feeling some guilt that here I am “enjoying” a short break but without my soulmate and best friend. My psychologist has explained such feelings of guilt are unnecessary and unfounded, but still I get them, almost like I am letting my darling wife down, I know it’s ridiculous but my minds all over the place still.
Take Care all,
Paul x
