Heartbreak and loneliness

Hello SanBrit,

Sorry that you had to join our club, the one no one wants to join.

I lost my wife in August last year with the same kind of story, lung cancer, useless chemo, oxygen and so on (except she was 38). It's perfectly normal that you would feel lonely and worse right now. It's still very early days and you'll go through lots of different phases. Keeping yourself busy is a great way to distract your mind.

Grief takes time but it gets easier overtime.

Take care xx

Hi Devin 

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your wife at such a incredible young age. I can’t imagine how you managed to survive such heartache. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement it means a great deal to me. 

You take care too 

regards

sandra 

Hi, my husband ..also called Paul died from colon cancer aged 65. 

I too threw myself getting work done on  the house and decluttering thinking I wanted to move as soon as possible. 

That was 3 years ago.  I still have moments of feeling his loss, loneliness and sadness about what our retirement could have been. Covid lockdowns haven't helped but I'm still here, still in the same house and while I wish things could have been different I am createing a new life for myself. Some old friends we knew as a couple have dropped by the wayside but I have been lucky to make new friends.

If possible try and find a bereavement cafe or group. I joined my local one 6 months after Paul died and the best thing I did. I don't go now but still meet once a week with a few others for coffee , shopping and friendship.

It is still very early days for you and the family. Lots of ups and downs along the way but most my bereaved friends have found or muddled their way through and come out the other side....

Grief would suddenly surprise and overcome me  3 yrs ago but now its different .....more gentle and reflective.

Family support will help you hugely. I wish you all well.

Kathy

Hi Kathy,

We seem to have a similar timeline and our husband's were both called Paul.

After Paul's death, the only thing I knew to get me through this was to work as hard as I could, to keep myself as busy as I could and to stay as busy outside of work as I could. Bit by bit I have learned to live without Paul and, like you say, today the grief is no longer all-consuming and hitting me with all its force by surprise but it is more gentle and slow and reflective. The thing I still struggle with is friends. I have lost no friends - but then Paul and I didn't have many to begin with - and I have made some new friends all right but still I find my social life too quiet, would love to have more contacts, a busier social life. But I also think that's because I am really not good on my own; I have never liked living on my own or being on my own for any length of time, I get bored with my own company, I find it too quiet... So I am currently working on that side of things - not necessarily making new close friends but becoming part of groups like on MeetUp where I can meet people more.

I could never have sold our house. It was so comforting - and still is - to have this house that was Paul's and my dream home. I think that your story about wanting to sell and then not selling it is such a perfect example of the importance to hold off on any important decisions during the first months of our grief because we cannot make good decisions during that time. I hope you love your place as much as you did when Paul was still there.

Lots of love, Mel

Dear SanBrit,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Paul, and I am glad to hear that your daughters are so supportive and that you have joined this group is really good too and please keep posting and sharing it really helps.

Love, Mel

Hi Mel 

Thank you so much for your kind words, really appreciate them 

regards

sandra