Empty house

So sorry you have had to join this group. every one here understands what you are going threw.Its still early days for you, i am coming up for two years next week, i never ever thought i would get threw the first month.

I was lost as well, did not know who i was with out him, felt like i had been cut in half, all part of the grieving process. Its such a hard road we are now on and its not one we wanted to go on.

Your right the house is lonely , quiet and very quiet, i have to play music now, could not do that in the early days, its what i call our music and i have a little giggle some times when memories come back and they do.

The tears do not come as often, but they do appear at certain times, little things i go to say about him,gt stuck in my  throat and the tears appear, its normal

Going back to work keeps your mind busy, its when you come home to a empty house and now the dark nights.

There is no easy way threw this, one day at a time, that is all we can do.

I made a descion  this week the first one i have had to make regarding the house,

I emptied his computer room on Monday, and will start decorating, and new carpet, think he would be pleased that i am getting on with things and i am coping  the best i can.

Please use the site, it was a god send for me in the early days, would not have got this far with out it.

You are not alone, though at times that's how you fill. you will get threw this like we all do and move forward in a different way to what we was used to, we have no choice.

I am sure your wife will be smiling at the new drive, and saying good on you.

They never leave us, they will always be with us in what ever we do. they where the other half of us, and will be with us always, though in a different way.

Take Care Ellie xx

Ah Hippodog I am so sorry. So many losses in such a short period of time. I can imagine how devastated you must feel. Please let the tears flow. It is important to do that because it helps you to heal - in so far as this is possible. I hope you have family and friends who can offer some support. And of course you have this group and we are always here.

Lots of love Mel X

Melanie L and Ellie, thank you.

I have a great support network of family and friends. It feels like it’s getting harder. Tomorrow will be 5 months and it feels like 5 seconds ago she was home with me watching TV and planning our future. Now I look around and feel so alone. I start counselling next week and have been back at work for a week now. That’s been hard as I used to message every morning to say i’d arrived safely. 
it’s London Marathon on Sunday and I am “running” it for bowel cancer… I’m not where I need to be fitness wise but I will get round it slowly and safely. 
Then it’s the 1sts - first birthdays, Christmas etc. when does it ever end.

Hi Hippodog

Really pleased you are doing the Marathon,  does not matter how long it takes you, you are doing it for a reason, and that's what counts.

The first come and they go, i looked at it its just a day, its out Wedding Anniversary Friday, and last year i did put up the last card i gave him, and the one he gave me the year before, he was to ill for the one the year he died he passed on the 8th October, i will do the same this year, as its a day i shall never forget, we where married a long time, and was the best years of my life,

We all get threw first in our own way and its what you want to do,

I had counselling a few months ago, it helped me, to look at things differently, i did cry a lot, but that is good so i was told.

I am glad you are using the site your not alone here and we all truly understand what you are going threw.

Take Care Ellie x

Hi,

I can totally identify with how you feel. I lost my husband four years ago to lung cancer. A few months later, I had to have our dog put to sleep. I got a new dog, we had always had dogs, but I lost him 2,years later. He had lymphoma. This year I lost my mum, who had lived next door for 35 years. Phew! You couldn't make it up! I know what you mean about not being able to process things.

After Mum died, I started bereavement counselling with Cruse, and it has been very helpful. I have my last session in a couple of weeks. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who's struggling.

An empty house does take some getting used to, when you had dogs you are used to 'someone' always being there. I think I may get another in the future, but my circumstances at the moment don't really allow for it. What about you?

It's strange having things done in the home when your partner isn't there to see it. I've just had to get a new washing machine and it feels like a huge deal!!!

One of the things I've been told, which has helpef is that our grief isn't linear. We feel better and then can go backwards a bit sometimes. It's only been a few months for you, so go easy on your expectations if yourself. I'm trying to do the same. I had recovered quite well after my husband died, so am trying to remember that I will recover again, and I'm sure you will too.

Hello Northernlass. I’m struggling with the empty house so I’m spending less time there. However the minor changes I am making seem to help me not get stuck with painful memories. I do feel worse than I did a month ago but I’m just having to process each day. Not sure how I’ll get through this month… it is her birthday, a year since diagnosis (on her 46th birthday). Those memories are strong. 

I think I will get another dog but not yet. The time will be right at some point. They were my company, my responsibility and kept me on my toes. 

I’m so sorry about your mum on top of things. Such a horrible time for you. I’m glad the counselling has helped. I have my first session on Tuesday. I hope it helps me navigate this. 

I was surprised at how the counselling helps. Just talking to someone uninvolved  and who is trained to listen has really helped me to sort out my 'tangled' thoughts and feelings. I have some good friends, but I think friends have thoughts and opinions and want to help fix things, which is lovely at times, but sometimes it's good to talk to someone who doesn't of those things! I knew the theory of this, but was amazed at how just talking has enabled me to see things more clearly.

Hope you find the same. There's no quick fix, but you've taken the step forward and that's what I'm trying to do - to keep moving forward, even if it's slowly!

Talking of steps, I hope you enjoy doing the marathon tomorrow!

Hippodog, well done on doing the marathon. I hope you coped with it and that your fitness was enough. Such a positive move. Anything to help us get through. Xxx

Ellie I loved reading about your anniversary cards. I will try the same on our anniversary. Xxx

Hi All!! 

I completed the marathon and felt it the following day but so glad I did it! We raised over £13.5k for Bowel Cancer and that’s without the gift aid. That kept me going. 

The counselling session was surprisingly  helpful. I got a lot off my chest. 

I’ve also gone and made a decision to take on a pup! She is from my sister in laws parents litter and even though I normally rescue, I’ve been going for cuddles and “puppy therapy” and I couldn’t resist. After a long hard head over heart think, I know she will give me some purpose and company. I’ve always had dogs and I miss them dearly. I know a certain person would approve and would likely shout at me for not doing it.