Second anniversary

Hi Alison

I have no words of wisdom sorry to say but understand how you are feeling, i am coming up to my second anniversary as well. i cannot believe it.

Never thought i would get threw the first month,

Your right i see my granddaughter on Saturday been three years, that was  nice what with the lock down, and Tom being ill and passing before it started my son never brought her down, they live four hours away.

I also had added pressure, that our daughter got diagnosed in April with breast cancer, surgery and so on, i needed Tom and she needed her dad.

I miss him more now than ever, need a cuddle, need his support need him.

Life goes on, pleased you are seeing some one,  you must feel comfortable other wise you would not be see him, life is short as we have found out, i am sure  Mike would not want you to be sad, you will never forget him, he was and is still a part of your life as you have children, Though you have to go forward and if that is what you want so be it,, life is for living,.

I wish you all the best.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi Alison

The second anniversary of my husband's death is Christmas. I blocked the last one out and will probably do the same again. That is my coping mechanisms! 

I don't really miss him much now, there are odd occasions but he never treated me well in the last few years and I discovered after he died that he was having a fling! That hurt and I could never confront him! 

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday! I miss her dad more. He also passed away a few years ago and I think how sad it is today that she hasn't got her dad or stepdad but she has a big brother who is doing his best to give her a special day and me. We are off out later together for a meal and then out on Saturday with all her uncles, grandparents and cousins for our traditional family 18th breakfast. 

I too am seeing someone else. He is great, says he loves me and I do him but there is a part of me that is hesitant! We are all still young and alive and need company. I must admit I don't care too much what others think anymore as long as my children are happy. I was told my step dads wife was seeing someone else this week, he died in March, apparently there are a lot of comments! I said it is no-one else business! Life does go on, it has to and we become lonely. 

Good for you finding a different love, enjoy and take care. You can still love your husband too. I love my first one still. 

Take care.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

I'm only 13 months in so still a bit far from the 2 years anniversary, but the first one was a big step. I feel that now that I'm done with all the first dates without Juliette, it's easier. 

I met someone 4 months ago and it was amazing for me because I really thought I would never find someone I could love and with whom I would share so much (even though I'm 41). Then we found out that I wasn't really ready for a healthy relationship because I wanted too much going back to having a full time partner (someone to do nothing with, as someone else put it beautifully). Anyway, learning to be happy on my own now, and increasingly fine with it (until when, who knows).

What I wanted to say is that I was very lucky that my family and friends were all very happy for me. I was very scared at first to talk to them about her and a friend of mine who has lost his sister a long time ago explained to me that having his brother in law sharing that info with him was important because it meant that he wasn't closing the door and even though it all made them super sad at first (of course!) they all appreciated to keep him close in the long term.

Sorry that message is a bit convoluted, all I wanted to say is that it's important that you feel that you have the right to love someone else, that it won't mean that you won't love Mike anymore, but he is a part of you, and you can have love again in your life. And if your family can't see that, too bad for them, but they have to understand that it's your decision and yours only and that at the end of the day they should focus on your happiness more than anything.

xx

Happy birthday to your daughter! :)

Thank you Devin x

Thank you for sharing that Ellie. I hope your daughter is coping well with her treatment and she’ll be ok. How cruel for your family to be touched twice in quick succession by this awful condition. Its good we are all able to see our families again. I’m really happy to be with mine for today. Take care x

Thank you. I hope your daughter has a lovely birthday and also that you’ll gradually feel less hesitant about your new relationship. It is good to love and be loved x 

Thank you. I’m sorry your relationship felt too soon ( for you) and I hope you will find love again. I’m 20 years older than you and still feel there’s a lot of living and loving to be done. Take care x

It took me a few weeks to realise that it was indeed too soon. She was the one who told me. She had to flag the fact that I wasn't ready to adjust to having someone else. It's more that she was fitting so perfectly that I just wanted things to go back to what they were rather than living something new and different. But I'm still very much in love with her, I think she still has feelings for me, and I'm just trying to figure out how to priorise everything else to be able to start again with her (hopefully) with a better view of my feelings and a much better understanding of hers!

I completely agree with you that there's a lot of living and loving to be done! I didn't realise that before I met her because I was so much into celebrating my past life to try and accept the new that I couldn't imagine anything amazing happening to me anymore. Lots of friends have told me that if my story never starts again, at least, it will have shown me that love is possible. And that's already a lot!

It is really trying to be like the tree that bends in the storm. 

xx

She sounds amazing, and knowing love is possible is indeed something. Have you thought about some bereavement counselling? I found it really helpful for exploring my feelings about my loss but also my new beginnings. I wish you the very best. X