I lost my partner of 11years on 29th July. I had never known what true love was until I met Maureen, I was in a dark place when she found me and saved my life. Those dark thoughts are now back and I can’t see any way forward. She fought cancer since 2013 first breast cancer then lung cancer and finally bowel that went to her liver, never have I known a more brave, courageous uncomplaining person. She fought all the time because we were so happy together The loss is unbearable I spent all day in tears every thing I look at or touch has memories I feel like I’m going mad. To be honest I don’t really want to even try to carry on without her I just want to be with her again. The loneliness is awful . I just want to touch her, hear her voice and kiss her. The last days of our time together are not the memories I want as they are like a form of punishment etched on my mind. Was I patient enough was I caring enough did I do everything I could right to the end I have so many doubts and dark thoughts. The pain is like nothing I have ever known. She passed away in my arms and was talking seconds before she passed away, is this normal to happen this way ? I don’t have any close family and we weren’t big on friends as we just enjoyed each other’s company. This now makes the loneliness even worse. I feel like there’s a huge weight on my chest all the time, then I feel guilty because she would not want me to be feeling like this. Thanks for reading my rambling
