I’m so sad I feel like I can hardly breathe sometimes.

Hi Hikerchick,

First of all I am genuinely so sorry for your loss, and I’m also sorry that you’ve had to join this group as a result of the passing of your partner. But what I can say to you is; there are so many kind and wonderful souls on this site who fully understand what you’re going through and these lovely people will try and help you get through these awful and extremely sad times. Keep reaching out on your worst days and there’ll always be someone that will try and help you!

I think we have all experienced this physical pain you describe, and yes the pain is real and it does physically hurt and its brought on because we have lost our soulmates, best friends, and with it we feel like we’ve lost our future and we simply feel lost.

I’m just over six months “down the line” since I lost my soulmate and I remember feeling this pain as you describe for the first three/four months and I still feel lost but the physical pain although it does come back on occasions has receded enough for me to breath normally again, well at least sometimes anyways, if that helps?

This is not an easy thing for any of us to go through and there are no short cuts, so please just take baby steps on your journey and more importantly be kind to yourself, as these lovely souls have taught me these important lessons and thats what I try to do on most days, but I do still get really bad days and I forget to do these things and I cry for most of the day, but I look at this pain as proof that we have loved our soulmates and some people never get to feel real love like we have, so I feel very blessed.

Without sounding awful, I feel that “friends” don’t understand our level of pain and hurt, well unless they have lost their soulmate as well. And thats why coming on this forum can help so much.

I hope we all find peace one day, Ian x

Hello Ian, firstly I’m so sorry for your loss and secondly thank you for your reply and for your amazing understanding, it’s so true that I am lost and yes I do feel like I’ve lost my future and I have no idea how I get through this. What you said about feeling blessed made sense, I’ve realised that the pain I am feeling is so great because of the depth of love we had for each other and whilst that is so very hard right now I hope that in time that will be a comfort as like you said not everyone has that in their life. Thank you x

Oh Hikerchick

My heart goes out to you. Those early days are so incredibly painful and so very hard. It is just over ten months since I lost Chris but I can remember the awful pain of those early days so clearly. I would have to say that I still miss him so much that it hurts but most days I manage to function reasonably well most days. There are some days where all I manage is to get showered, dressed and eat, others where I achieve more. And sometimes something totally unexpected hits me like a brick and I crumble all over again but I have accepted that that is part of my grieving process.

My advice to you in the early days is to take each day hour by hour, if that’s all you can manage. Do what you feel is right for you and pace yourself. Don’t feel you have to do everything straight away. I found it much easier to focus on one thing each day, and sometimes found I could do a second too. (Rev Richard Coles calls it sadmin in his book.) Most of all be kind to yourself. There is no right way to deal with this awful situation and nothing prepares you for it.

You will certainly find that there are people who understand what you’re going through on this site, so come back to it and read the posts when you can. You will, I’m sure find some comfort and reassurance. Please don’t feel you need to post all the time, but if you do, you won’t be judged and people will often offer comfort, support and reassurance.

Take care of yourself, sending virtual hugs

Jane

xx 

Thank you Jane and the way you’ve explained it makes me feel more hopeful that maybe I will be able to get through this but also that however I do that is ok. Thanks for replying and supporting me xxx

Thank you for your kind words too Hikerchick, and god bless Ian x