1st Anniversary looming

Sounds like you've thought of the right thing for you. This has to be the guiding principle you try to live by. Take care.

Hello Pooka,

It sounds as if you have put a lot of thought into spending this difficult time in a way that is right for you. And as Wildcat says, that is the most important thing.

I’m eight weeks away from the first anniversary of losing Chris and like you, I find it so painful that it’s almost a year since he was here by my side. I haven’t been able to decide what I want to do when the date arrives- spending the day under the duvet seems a reasonable option but that’s not what he would want me to do. Every time I cry I can hear him saying ‘Please don’t cry, I don’t want you to cry’ I shall try to remember the happy times- there were plenty in the 46 years we were lucky enough to share. 

So thank you for sharing what you plan to do- it’s given me food for thought. I wish you strength and send you hugs

Jane

x

Thanks Jane

To be honest I never set out to come up with a plan of action.. it kind of all started from one seed of thought and grew bigger... I just knew I wanted to spend the day/weekend alone but not in a totally maudlin way as Mark wouldn't have wanted that.

Unfortunately just a few days after the anniversary date it will be my birthday.

I hope you can think of a way to spend your day, maybe revisit a memorable place either alone or with a friend. Take a picnic, release a balloon with a message on, sit in the car and eat fish and chips if that's something you enjoyed together. Play music you both loved and sing loudly ...who cares if you can't sing, just raise your voice to the heavens.  Take time to do what YOU need to do: cry, laugh and remember all the good times. 

But, if you feel the duvet choice is right for you..go with it. 

Take care  x

Hello Pooka,

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. Fish and chips could definitely feature at some point in the day…it was without doubt his favourite meal! 

Take care

Jane xx

Hi Everyone, I am also approaching the 1st Anniversary of losing my beloved husband of nearly 54years, and still finding it hard to live without him. My family are supportive and do what  they can to keep me going but they have their own lives and although they too miss their dad it is not quite the same. we were teenage sweethearts and he was the only man for me. ,just finding lfe so lonely even though I try to get out and see friends now lockdown is over. Sometimes feel like my life is not worth living. I have lots of wonderful memories that I try to focus on but still cant forget the last few horrible months of his life.

Anyone in your position - in the position we all find ourselves in - has to make decisions that will benefit your emotional and mental health. It won't always please others; it might not even make sense to anyone but you. But is the way to survive the horrid thing called grief. Know that what you do and plan doesn't require any one else to understand or approve. You are going through this as only a widow can. Be kind to yourself and do what you know is right for you.

Anniversaries are hard. I have found my husband's birthday is the hardest of all the significant days. Now I'm approaching the third anniversary of his death and it's still so raw. 

Thanks for your words of wisdom, that I know make sense and as you say it is the only way to survive each day. I am trying so hard help myself but some days are really hard , others not too bad , if i keep occupied. I know that I am lucky to have had a good marriage and a lovely man ,so I keep reminding myself that others are not that fortunate.