This week marks six months since my beloved died after a three year one month journey with multiple myeloma and over twelve months of isolation for the two of us.
I miss him so very much.
I have read all your posts and occasionally contribute so I fully understand that we are all the same but we are also very different. What I’ve gradually realised is that I’m in danger of letting down my beloved and therefore myself by living the way I am. I’m hiding away which is the easiest thing to do and I have our beautiful home to hide in.
Last week I took a look at the summer house which we had erected to house a hot tub but then of course my beloved couldn’t use it because of the chemo. I attacked it with paint brushes and a mop and worked until late at night to transform it into a reading room using a seaside theme. I’ve decorated it with all the little bits we had brought from summer holidays over the years and I cleaned off an old sun bed, piled it up with cushions and moved a lamp in there plus the obligatory fairy lights. It looks so pretty and he would have been so proud of me. The window cleaner came one day when I was covered in paint and said “Oh it’s a retreat for you.” I have all the house to myself but I understood his comment was well meant and once it was finished I went out there with a coffee and a book for half an hour.
I might use it, I might not but I actually created a new memory right there at the bottom of the garden.
If I knew how to download photos I’d post one but maybe that’s the next challenge.
Keep going everyone and thank you all for your virtual support.
June x
