GRIEF COUNSELLING - Does it help?

Hi Julie

Sorry for your recent lose its early days.

It is coming up to nearly two years since hubby passed. I had counselling and only finished last Thursday, for me i found it very helpful..

I have to say i connected with the councillor from day one,

 I did not know who i was we had been married 53years and who am i on my own, i have now found that out, by what i have done and the decisions i have had to make, i did differ when i came up against any problems  and have dealt with them, now look back and can see how far i have come on my own. and am quiet pleased, i do not fill lost. Though Tom is always with me, and always will be, i do tell him every thing i do and hope he approves,

Take Care Ellie x

Hi Julie,

It is very early days for you, so try not to think you will always feel like this. My husband died nearly four years ago, 9 weeks after diagnosis, so I understand your shock and the overwhelming grief.

I didn't ask for counselling then, but my Mum passed away 5 months ago and I felt catapulted back in time, back to grieving for my husband as well as my mum, so I thought maybe some counselling would help.

I contacted Cruse and after about a 5 week wait, I started with phone appointments. You get up to 6 and you can decide how often you want them. I had my third session last week, I'm having them fortnightly. I am finding it really helpful, much more than I'd imagined.

To be clear, they can't tell you what to do! (I had worked on a helpline years ago, so I was prepared for that) But they give you the time to talk about how you're feeling and what you're struggling with and it's surprising how you start to see things more clearly as they reflect back to you. Some of the things I thought I wanted or needed, I realised  weren't what I wanted at all! Somehow, it helps, talking to someone who doesn't know me, my husband or my mum. I have some good friends but friends often try to fix things for you, and the counsellor just let's me talk! 

I would give it a try, but it may be a little early for you right now. You could always call them and have a chat, and they will tell you what they think. In the meantime, I would use this site, I found the support here invaluable in the early days. Your son and daughter are probably worried about you and it will be difficult for them knowing they're not near enough to give you a lot of support.

I know it's hard to imagine, but things do get easier. Hope this has helped a little,

Sending you a big hug x

Hi Julie

I feel your sorrow, I too lost my husband - it is now 18 weeks and I struggle each day - my husband passed 5 weeks after diagnosis - I had to wait 6 weeks for funeral as he had to have a postmortem so everything has been a nightmare - I spoke to a lovely girl from Cruise and booked a 6 week course for counseling but decided against it just now as I can't stop crying when I speak about my thoughts, maybe later - I find the loneliness hard as my son lives down south - I just miss my husband so much as we had been married 54yrs - I know we were lucky to have a long marriage but it's still awful hard.  Take care.

CRUSE don't usually take anyone before sux months. Personally I didn't feel any different at the end of my 6 sessions but it's an individual thing. A lot depends on whether you click with the counsellor. 

I do think it can be helpful 

Hi Ruddy,

It sounds as though it may be a bit soon for you at the moment. But it is OK if you cry during counselling!

The loneliness is hard. I felt it so much more after my mum died as she lived next door to me, so was a huge part if my life. Even when you have friends, they don't and can't fill the gap left by a spouse or parent. 54 years is a long time, I was married for 35, it takes time to adjust. I've come to the conclusion that there's no 'fast forward' button and we probably have to go through the process to heal properly.

I think just taking it one day at a time is best ( I have had to do one hour at a time in the very early days!) If anything can distract you for even half an hour or so, let it. Distraction doesn't always mean denial, and it helps give your mind a break for a while.

Sending you a virtual hug x

Thanks for your kind thoughts - so sorry to hear that you lost your mum - I lost my daughter then my mum 5mths later 6 years ago - this was a very traumatic time - a year later I developed bowel cancer which my consultant thought trauma could have had played a major part - I felt that I was turning the corner when my husband passed - maybe the combination of everything is taking its toll - the pain I feel now is so different as I had my husband to help and talk to.x

Hi

Thank you to everyone who has replied to my post and it really helps to know I’m not alone with my feelings. Until it happens to you, it must be hard to understand the overwhelming feeling of sadness and hopelessness about the future that washes over you.

I think I might have grief counselling but will maybe wait a while. It’s interesting that Wildcat mentioned there was a six week wait so perhaps I ought to book something now.

I am worried that all I will do is breakdown and that I should delay counselling. Are six sessions the norm and are you normally asked to wait several months before starting?

Take care everyone and thank you all for listening.

Julie

Hi Julie,

Just wanted to say thank you for this post. It's been a year for me yesterday. I remember the phase you're talking about and I remember getting out of the numbness eventually and slowly adjust.

But I actually think that grief counseling could be good for me now so it's good to be reminded by everyone of different experiences.

Take care. You're just at the beginning. Take it easy, one day at a time.

Xx