Remembering too much..

Dear Pooka,

So sorry to hear about how you are feeling.   Can you think about holidays both of you have enjoyed, recall happy trips or nice times.   How was your wedding day?   Sorry I’m not very good at writing, what I’m trying to say I wonder by thinking of past happy memories hopefully over time bad ones will fade.   Wishing that reel of film is replaced with nice memories and peace.

Peter x

Thanks Peter 

I think it's all the more difficult because it's all the initial dates coming up, the ones that heralded the start of the end...

Today for example (6th Aug) marks a year  that my husband was blue lighted (again) into hospital an occasion that was so traumatic for him, me and the ambulance crew that dealt with him. 

I know, or at least HOPE that in time the dates will lose their significance... Hopefully once I pass the first anniversary of losing him which was also a couple of days before my birthday, then I will be able to dwell more on the happier dates and memories.

x

Dear Pooka

Like you, I have a thing about dates and am now just over two weeks into the ‘this time last year’ last 90 days full of hospital appointments and endless tests. It isn’t helped by the fact that in this time there’s been the 47 years since our first date, and tomorrow is our 45th wedding anniversary. 
So I’ve no answers but only to say, I know where you’re coming from and empathise with how you’re feeling. I do hope that one day the happy more positive memories will be the first things that come to mind for both of us.

Sending hugs

Jane

x

Jane, Your husband may not be with you in person tomorrow but it is your 45th wedding anniversary. I'm sending you a big hug and I hope you can raise a glass to your husband as you think back on your special day.

Stay strong xx 

Thank you Pooka

xx

So a year ago today, we were told that Chris’ diagnosis wasn’t as bad as we’d originally been told….as a result of his biopsy, it wasn’t inoperable lung cancer but was thyroid cancer, which had spread but it was operable and then would be followed up by treatment. But the outlook was much more positive. It was one of the two occasions he cried- tears of relief. He passed away exactly two months later. I’m trying to remember that we actually had a period of time where we were able to be more positive, but it’s hard because I know how it ended.

Just needed to share because I know that there will be some of you who understand, so thank you for being there

Sending hugs

Jane

xx

Hi Pooka and all,

I am sorry for coming in on this so late. Just wanted to send you, Pooka, and everyone else a big hug and say: I know what it is like when we remember more than is good for us. People also comment on my good memory too and how wonderful it is that I can always remember very precisely. I have found this to be a bit of a pain, especially during the first couple of months after Paul's death, because I was remembering everything, down to the smallest detail, and I couldn't stop myself from remembering or tell myself that now I had thought about it all for long enough and that it was time to let go. In my experience, only time can help you here because, after some time - sometimes shorter sometimes longer - the memories and this compulsion to think and to remember will pass, and then you will be able to remember things but only if you want to, and you will think more of the good times rather than the bad. I hope this helps a little.

Love, Mel

Hi Jane,

I am sending you a big hug.

Lots of love

Mel