No joy left

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Almost a year since my husband died, I still don't know what to do with myself. I can't watch TV programmes we watched together so I watch rubbish TV, can't listen to music we liked. We had so much of our time wrapped up together I can't find anything I want to do alone. How does anyone get past this? How does everyone find a minute of happiness without the accompanying overwhelming pain. I'm finding the more I try to 'get on with life' the more I miss him. Not looking for sympathy, I'm guessing this is normal just hoping for advice on coping without making it harder on my family as I know they worry about me

Wildcat over 3 years ago in reply to Pooka

Pooka you're not the only one who dislikes the poem. Death is huge and much as I want it he's not in the next room or anywhere else.

I hope you're feeling a bit better

Look to the moon.

Can't imagine any future without my soulmate

MelanieL over 3 years ago in reply to DaveyBo

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you will find this forum useful.

I know your post including the poem came from a loving place. I have to say that I don't like the poem at all though. I think depending on our personal view we might find it comforting or not agree with it at all. And that is absolutely normal because we are all grieving differently.

Love Mel

I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds.

MarthaGM over 3 years ago

Here's a poem I found when planning my husband's memorial service. When I feel really sad, I read it. I can hear him saying these words to me.

When I have moved beyond you in the adventure of life,

Gather in some pleasant place and there remember me

With spoken words, old and new.

Let a tear fall if you will, but let a smile come quickly

For I have loved the laughter of life.

Do not linger too long with your solemnities.

Go eat and talk, and when you can;

Follow a woodland trail, climb a high mountain,

Walk along the wild seashore,

Chew the thoughts of some book

Which challenges your soul.

Use your hands some bright day

To make a thing of beauty

Or to lift someone’s heavy load.

Though you mention not my name,

Though no thought of me crosses your mind,

I shall be with you,

For these have been the realities of my life for me.

And when you face some crisis with anguish.

When you walk alone with courage,

When you choose your path of right,

I shall be very close to you.

I have followed the valleys,

I have climbed the heights of life.

By Arnold Crompton

"i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) ..."
Life must end, but love is eternal.

Geoff999 over 3 years ago in reply to MarthaGM

Dear MarthaGM,

Beautiful poem. Thank you.

I've copied it on my tablet.

Geoff x

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Pooka over 3 years ago in reply to MarthaGM

Thank you for sharing this poem Martha.

I'm sure many of us can feel a genuine connection with some, if not all of these words. ♡

Happy5 over 3 years ago in reply to Pooka

Dear MarthaGM, Thank you for the poem. I was in tears when I first read it. I know there ae some bits I don't like, but that is the same with every poem, I think. We are all individuals, and a poem can be 'universal', but each poem is really so individual also. Thank you for posting it.

At times I re-read Break Break Break by Tennyson. If anyone knows how to post it, here, maybe it, though very different, could also help some of us. Though some would not like it.... Happy5

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No joy left