Getting harder

Hello and sorry you've found yourself here. It's not so much it gets easier than you learn how to deal with the pain.  Just don't force it.

Thank you. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is we thought we had more time. We got married in March and I was widowed in April. We were planning a covid free wedding celebration later on down the line. It was so quick. I miss her terribly and the guilt is so strong at not being able to do more for her. I’m 39 and wondering what I’m going to do without her in my life. This disease is so cruel. 

We thought we had more time should be the unofficial name of the group. It's always too soon. Guilt is common too, we all beat ourselves up when in reality there was nothing we could have done. 

There's nothing that can take away the loss you feel. Keep posting, we're here  

The guilt is terrible for me too.

10 weeks since i lost my wife and for some reason this last week has been the toughest.

I tried at one time not to think about her but that didnt seem right but it did help then i felt guilty about not thinking about her.its a no win solution whatever we do.

People say we have to be strong and get through it but i personally do not know how.

I’ve had a pretty rough week too. I go out and meet with our friends but I’m finding that so hard. Especially when I’m on my way home in the car. The tears flow and I can’t stop them. 

I'm so sorry you are feeling so lost. I know it doesn't help, but we have all been there or are there now. As Wildcat said, it doesn't necessarily get easier, it is just that we learn to cope better. It has been nearly three years for me, and there are days the pain and emptiness are all consuming. But as I just wrote in another reply, my latest coping mechanism is to remember something as silly and goofy as I can, something that will make me laugh out loud. My husband and I had lots and lots of those moments. I cherish every one. 

Do get counselling. I can't recommend that enough and you may find it is something you have to return to on various occasions (I've just finished six very helpful sessions with an NHS mental health nurse). My initial counselling was through the hospice that had been involved in my husband's care. Cruse can take time to get back to you, but be persistent if they are the course you choose.

Be kind to yourself. Every feeling you are going through is "normal." And remember, grief is a reminder of how dearly you loved your wife. Most importantly, remember that love doesn't disappear with death. It remains and sustains us.

Martha

Thank you. I am just taking my time going through all the paperwork side of things and trying to keep busy. Every day there’s more than one things that hits me, takes my breath away and leaves me so incredibly sad. We had so many plans and memories to make. I’m just empty inside.