Lost in life

Hello Ballyalli,

Other than the Jeremy Kyle part of your story, the sad part at the end resonates with so many of us on this site, especially the bit about you trying to continue life without your best friend and “what is there” without them?

I too ask myself this question but I quickly chastise myself with a metaphorical “kick up the backside” as my late wife Marie would be so angry with me thinking like this, and I’m sure your partner would also be angry with you thinking like this as well!!

To have one partner pass over in a loving relationship at such an early age is so sad but to have a second partner pass is truly tragic and I send you my deepest sympathies as that is beyond sad.

No one will ever understand what its like to lose your soulmate until you experience it first hand, and just like you I wish I never had found out what it was like. But sadly we do know how it feels and it hurts like nothing else we’ve ever felt before, but for the love and honour of our best friends we must try to move on and try and make a life for ourselves as this is what we’d want for them if we had passed before them.

I do hope we all find peace one day, kind regards Ian

On September 30, it will be three years since my husband died. It's still hard and there are days (like today - our wedding anniversary) I can't seem to find a reason to keep going. I've decided grief is like a very crafty ninja. You think you're fine and then, wham, the pain and grief comes out of nowhere. The best advice I can give is to keep on going. This is what your partner would want for you. I keep telling myself that. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. 

Just know you are not alone!

Martha

My wife passed away 9 weeks and i fully understand the music,smells etc.i cant play music at the moment.i also relive the5 days my wife was in the hospice.

Today has been an awful day for me,thinking about her all day and feeling lonely..

I dont know where my life is going to go at the moment.

Hi Steveho,

These really bad days bite us when we’re least expecting them to do so and for no reason sometimes other than we simply struggle to make any sense of what’s happened and we miss our loved ones more than words can say. 

On days like these; just be kind to yourself as so many people on this site has said before and tackle each day on its own merit, hour by hour and even minute by minute, if thats what it takes to get you through these very difficult times. 

My thoughts are exactly as yours too, I’m almost 21 weeks since my wife passed and I’m only just starting to look at photos of her now, I’m still breaking down when I do look at them, but at least I’m looking at them again. As far as music is concerned when certain songs come on to my ‘Spotify’ play lists and they remind me of her, I quickly move them on to the next track as I can’t cope listening to them either.

Sometimes if I’m in the right frame of mind I have to listen to the saddest songs including the funeral service songs, which makes me sob uncontrollably as I have just experienced this whilst walking my dog this evening, I sometimes feel the need to do this, its like I need a good cry and this process helps me to achieve it.

As for the loneliness, I miss seeing her beautiful face and I also miss just talking to her about anything and everything and the thought of never seeing her again or speak to her again literally breaks my heart and thats the worst feeling I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. I just don’t know how I will ever cope with these feelings, and like you I’m wondering if I ever will.

I hope we all find peace one day, best wishes Ian