Still v v angry at what n how my father spoke to me the other week over them thinking it’s time for me to go back to work . But I m biding my time . I do not forget easily . Cannot let this go any time soon . Yes I could do with out it . It is a v v v big thing that I have to cope with out my darling partner here and can’t believe I never going to see him again. I have flash backs of good times and bad . Of places we used to go from holidays to trip to Morrison’s shopping to going to garden centre for cheeky lunch or coffee . I do not know how I will cope if I ever go to these places again without him . My heart hurts so much . I cry everyday . I go downstairs expecting him to be there or go into dining room expecting him to be there where I cared for him the few weeks of his life . I think of his stays in hospital. Of how last year Covid delayed any treatment that may have helped him . All the phone calls with gp s being told sciatica when in fact secondary cancer on hips and spines . The months we waited to see consultant and get scans . The pain he was in and endured when the transport ambulance took him for scan to get there he was in so much pain he could nt get on bed for scan n lack of staff to help . So another excruciating journey home . All theses memories n flashbacks constant every day . Plus having to cope with fall out after he died it seems never endin . Mentally I m drained . I miss him so much would do anything jus one tine to see him speak to him and fir him to speak to me . The last few days before he died he could nt communicate. It’s not even 2 months yet it feels like an eternity. How do I go on with out him . My rock my world my everything
