How do you reply?

Hello TrishCB

I lost my husband last October, 33 weeks ago this evening. We’d been together since July 1974. In answer to your question- it depends who’s asking and on how I feel at that moment in time. Like you, I think I’m outwardly coping and functioning at some level. But my private meltdowns are still frequent, especially at this time of night. My most usual response is to say that I’m up and down, which is on a bad day, a gross understatement of how I feel. My more perceptive friends, those who know me really well, don’t always ask- they just show that they’re there in other ways and don’t ask too much of me. Don’t know if that makes sense, or even helps.

Sending hugs

Jane

Thanks Jane.  You're right, it does depend who's asking.  I shouldn't care so much about what some people I know, but are not friends, think I suppose.  Thank you so much for answering.  It's just so weird.  I find 7 or 8 in the evening, when I'm alone, the worst I think.  

Thanks for the hugs.  I'm reciprocating :)

It is hard to know what to say. For the first year or so, I found the question prompted a welling-up if not obvious tears. Just be honest when asked. I was not shy telling people that I had lost my husband and was still finding my way. 

xx