Feeling sad.

Hi Stupiidlemon,

How can we ever accept that kind of news? Hearing the diagnosis was bad enough but when one of the doctors told us in a very brutal way that my husband's cancer was incurable, I refused to believe it. Holding on to the hope that she could be proven wrong helped me to continue and support him. In the end, I wonder if it was easier for them than for us to accept. Noone wants to admit that the person they love the most in the world is so dreadfully ill.

Some of the images we have linger on while others gently fade away. Others pop up; some make us cry and others make us smile. I guess our brains and our subconscious will do the work they're supposed to do and the painful images will go away in their good time. In the meanwhile, feel the pain and have your cry. I don't know if there's any other way. I wish there were. Two and a half years later, I still get flashes of some of the more difficult moments and I think it depends on what's going on in my life. It's not easy and it is desperately sad.

The one good thing, if we can all it that, is that you were with your Claire and that is really something to cherish. I, too, was with Gilles up to the end and that is some type of solace.

We may not always be able to guide one another but we can surely be here for one another and lend a compassionate ear, so to speak. Continue writing if it helps. It was writing my every thought on this site that helped me survive.

Hi Stupiidlemon,

So sorry to hear about your wife Claire, 13 weeks isn’t long ago that’s so recent.   It’s been 16 months since my lovely wife Lynn died from an aggressive form of uterus cancer, like Limbo our doctor also told us in a very brutal way Lynn’s cancer is terminal.   Lately my grief has not given me any respite, it’s with me morning noon and night.  Outwardly, I hide it well with a smile chatting with people no one would guess how crushed I am inside how much Lynn is missed every minute of the day.   
Take care 

Peter

I know exactly how u feel my husband died a year ago today would have been our 32nd wedding anniversary nothing seems real i just seem to be on autopilot hoping tomorrow i will feel different but never do i hope you can try to remember the good times its the only thing that keeps me sane i dont want to remember the year watching him fight this bastard of a disease 

Hi Peter, like you I lost my wife 16 weeks ago and my grief is with me all the time, she is everywhere in my home, in my phone in my iPad but I feel she is walking with me at times just reminding me of all the wonderful life we lead over the last 59 years! I am very lucky to have my daughter living with me and she is amazing company even though she is devastated over our loss. I try to keep busy looking after the house and garden and painting in my studio but I miss her encouragement which was always there. Like you I hide it all with a smile but it is always there, take care if you can. 
Colin

Hi Stupiidlemon and all that have replied on this thread,

I relate to all of your comments and I wish more than anything that we had never heard of this site and our loved ones were still with us, but sadly this isn’t the case and having this site allows us to communicate with people either in exactly the same position as ourselves or who have already experienced what we’re going through and who understand how each and everyone of us feels and for that I’m eternally grateful to have such caring souls that I can communicate with.

I lost my beautiful wife 16 weeks ago after sharing 40 wonderful years together and I miss her every single minute of each day, and I cry every single day for her loss as nothing compares to the sadness and hurt that I feel after losing her, and I wonder somedays if the hurt will ever recede as I struggle to cope with her loss and the grief that goes with it. But out of respect and honour for my beautiful wife I know one day I will have to learn to live again as that was what she wanted me to do, as she left me strict instructions that I have to carry out.

I know this future life will be a sadder one without our best friends at our sides but I know in my case; she’d come back to haunt me if I didn’t try at some point, but when that ‘some point’ is; well god only knows as I can’t even stop thinking about her at the moment let alone start to think about a future without her

So you just keep on letting your feelings out and “putting pen to paper” on this forum if it helps you, as in a funny kind of way it also helps others going through the same emotions as yourself and knowing we’re all feeling the same emotions I think does help.

I hope we all find peace one day, Ian x

Grief is hard. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, that anyone of us has ever had to deal with. I have always loved poetry and lyrics and find comfort in them. Here is poem that sums up what I think all of our loved ones would want to say to us in our darkest moments: