Counselling

Hello there,

I think that when to go back to work is a decision that can ultimately only be made by you. And while I understand that your family may be concerned about you not working and might feel that it would do you good to go to work, I want to remind you that they are not you and that you are the one who has lost her partner. So take your time and do what's right for you.

However, what I do say is don't throw the job away right now. For many of us it is not advisable to make big decisions after the loss of a partner. Our general advice would be not to rush into things. So I would suggest: How about if you go back to work when you are ready and then you will feel whether it is still what you want to do or whether you really want to leave the job.

I was someone who needed to go back to work two weeks after Paul's death. I just needed work to keep me very busy so that I would keep distracting myself a little bit and at least for a little while each day from the pain of loss.

But everyone is different. What is right for some of us is not right for others at all. We have to listen to ourselves and do what is right for us.

Lots of love

Mel

Mel is right, it is your decision when to go back to work but I think I understand where your family are coming from too. Like you I spent a lot of time off work with Colin before he died 60 weeks ago today. I went back on short days, 5 hours (I did 3 x7.5 hour days normally) 7 weeks later and because of covid 's first lockdown the shop was not too busy with customers and other staff were furloughed so it was also quiet on that front as well, plus no hugs allowed!!!!! I have to say it was difficult and there were tears but sometimes you have to swap heads and face your fears head-on. I've been back a year now and don't exactly 'love it' but it has done me good to have to channel thoughts towards the demands of the general public (kind description, I have other names for them lol!!) I've stayed on 15 hours a week.

Maybe when 14 June comes round take a weeks 'holiday' from work then go back on phased return, short days. It will be hard but are braver than you think you are. xx

So true. We forget that. X

You’re so right - all of you! I go back to work tomorrow after 2 months off - one to nurse my partner and one to walk through the aftermath. I’m not sure if I’m ready but this week is a quieter one and I’ll be doing mornings only. I’ll just try and see. The distraction, I feel will help me but I am working remotely and can organise my workload to suit - so I am lucky. Each of us just needs to do what is right for each of us and there’s no blueprint about what’s right - it’s just whatever helps. xx