Platitudes.

Hello Tivvy

You’re quite right about people.
My sister in law told me I’d just have to get on with things less than two weeks after losing my husband, her brother. I was phoning her to give her info about his funeral. Two days after Chris passed, my own brother said that the ‘Chris situation hadn’t helped his well being’ He then went on to make several other equally insensitive remarks that still hurt me more than six months on!

People just don’t get it, do they? 
Sending hugs 

Jane

xx

Hello Jane, 

Oh those are insensitive comments . People definitely don’t get it. 

I have just been told to get a kitten . I am not sure my husband would feel that as a compliment

Viv

To be honest, I’ve thought of getting a cat but in my defence, we have had cats in the past! And it is my idea, not someone else’s!! Xx

I have thought about it too, but I did trip over our previous one and I injured my back, so I won’t. But I was just amused at the suggestion today. As though a cat will replace my hubby .

People are definitely strange! Xx

Hi Jane, Tivvy

Oh yes we can all relate to someone being very insensitive in what they say to us. That could be a well meaning person who simply doesn't know what to say and IS trying to help but puts their foot in it anyway or just insensitive people in general and who really do NOT GET IT.

We have all said this and it's true, I am GLAD people don't get it. I wouldn't wish this pain and sadness on anyone. However the old saying ... if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, springs to mind. 

I'm all for forgiving those that truly are 'trying to help' but even so the fact they say anything insensitive just means again they don't get it. Those of us on here would never say anything along the lines of 'get over it', 'move on', 'try to let him/her go now' etc etc. 

Even when we are trying to help ourselves deal with the pain and move forward to hope beyond hope that we can enjoy some of life again we still do not move on, or forget or put it behind us. It's impossible. We move forward with their souls and hearts firmly within us so they are always alive 'in us' and anyone in our lives, family or friends should -whether they get it or not- accept that from us or they won't be in our lives going forward. 

Much strength to us all. 

xx

What lovely words and thoughts, Allison. Your last paragraph really does sum up how I feel but fail to say so well 

Thank you for sharing

Virtual hugs

Jane

xx

Virtual hug back to you Jane xx

In a rather extreme way I have solved having to listen to a lot (not all) the crass platitudes from well meaning people. I've recently moved 150 mile away!

So now, apart from my daughter and grandson who I've moved in with, no one knows me.  I can go to the shop and speak to nobody, I don't see 'friends' or neighbours crossing over the street because they don't know what to say to me! I can walk around with a face like a wet weekend if so inclined and I can wallow as little or as much as I want and there is no one to tell me to "get over it".  No one to say "Mark would want you to do this or that" No insensitive crass remarks.

Nobody can say how long one should grieve... when we should 'get over it'.  Yes, I know my husband has gone and I miss him SO much I still feel numb.  I can't delete his phone number and I struggle to believe he is never coming back to me.   

Hey Pooka

It's awful that we ever feel bad about grieving for our loved ones isn't it. 

Don't answer to anyone other than yourself. Nobody should make you feel guilty for it. 

xx