Angry

Oh SS,

I have no words, but want you to know I am here and reading.

Today I said to somebody, I am scared I am going to fall to pieces and won't be able to ever put the pieces back together. My reason for staying busy and not thinking too much, but not sure how long I can keep it up, I am exhausted. 

Reminding myself of Humpty Dumpty. 

Sending strength to get through each day.

Donna

Hey Sunsarah 

Its ok to be angry. It’s ok to be anything and feel anything you NEED to get you through each day. 

The covid thing does, oh I don’t know...complicate things for want of a better way to describe it. There are so many who have lost loved ones to this pandemic but because it is a ‘pandemic’ its all people are focused on. Where as cancer is killing people all the time, well before, and well after the pandemic! 

Losing a loved one, from whatever cause is just as painful (we have all lost and the hurt can be indescribable) but when the whole world is focused on a pandemic, other killers like evil b****** cancer gets forgotten. 

Just let your emotions out whenever and wherever you are!! It’s ok! Xx

Hi Donna and pineapple 

Thankyou for your replies x big hugs to you both I am finding the expressing how I feel in real life tough so really helps to come and rant you just miss that hug that says it’s going to be ok 

If I had a pound for every... "Was it Covid? " question or in the early days the obvious backing away from you in that... "OMG  he must have died of Covid and she's going to give it to me!!"

No, it wasn't  bloody Covid... although had the hospital not cancelled his treatment due to the pandemic we may have had more time together.

I too have got so angry inside when people think you want to hear their tales of Aunty so-in-so.. she had cancer but she's fine, running marathons or their 90 yr old grandad who proved the doctor wrong.  Well great!  I'm pleased for them but my husband is dead age 54 so excuse me but I really don't care to hear of your miracle grandad. You end up trying to blank them out as it makes you angry that they are insinuating your loved one didn't fight hard enough. Believe me, my Mark tried damn hard to stay with me.

I know many people mean well but many times I wish they would stop and think or just p**s off and leave me alone. 

It's comforting that at least people on this site actually understand the inner turmoil we are all sadly suffering x

My beloved husband died seven weeks ago and whilst so many people have been supportive others have scurried off. One of the strangers things was written in a sympathy card - the lady wrote ‘You’ve done your bit now so concentrate on your future’. Seriously ‘DONE MY BIT’.   That will be nursing,caring, cleaning etc etc etc etc for my beloved as well as loving him more and more each day.  So now I can concentrate on my future as if it means anything without him. 
June 

Oh June,

There are no words!
One of the most insensitive things I had said to me, by one of Chris’s sisters, was’ Well you just have to get on with things now’ This just days after he’d died. I thought that couldn’t be beaten for heartlessness. Looks like I was wrong, sadly. I won’t elaborate on the things my brother has said and posted on Facebook but they come pretty close too. 
It just goes to show that people just don’t get it. More importantly it shows just how important this site is for people who do get it.

Sending hugs

Jane

xx

If folk cannot take time to stop and think what they are saying they should say nothing in my opinion rather than cause hurt.

I seem to have reached the stage people have stopped talking about him like it was yesterdays news. All the people that towards the end claimed to be a relative, the greatest friend... the same ones who hadn't bothered to visit, ring or jack all when Mark was alive and well.  The hangers on who wanted the drama especially during the last few days when I had to tell them literally they were not welcome to visit just to gawp at a dying man so they could update how good they were on their Facebook profile!! 

And now, it's as if everyone wants to change the subject if his name is mentioned. 

Hey all 

I’m so glad we can vent on here. 
Pooka I know what you mean about those miracle Grandad’s etc. I don’t wish anyone hurt ever and any loss it painful at any age but when you lose someone at 52 & 54 like we did but we’re told how well an 85 year old is doing having had cancer for years...

We have the right to be angry their lives were cut short!! Doesn’t bring them back but it’s our right to feel that emotion as long as we need too. 

As for anyone telling us to ‘get on with it’ ... I’ve yet to experience that and hope I never do no matter how much time has passed because they won’t like my response I can tell them now!! 

As you say, if people don’t know what to say (and that’s fine) then say nothing!! Much safer.

Hugs to us all. Xx 

Done your bit!!!!!!

Hubby always used to say that particular lady was a bit dim and matched her blond hair! He would have laughed at what she wrote actually and I must be honest I think she’s just a bit dopey! He laughed for ages when I told him about the village widow - you know the ones who make widowhood into a career it seems - she met me one day when he was so very ill and asked how I was doing. I said oh it’s hard isn’t it and she replied “Wait till you’re a widow and you’ll know then how hard life is!” 

As my long gone Granny would have said “It’s being so cheerful that keeps her going.”

I send you all my love and best wishes and very grateful thanks for your support.