Tomorrow it will be 12 months to the day.
That day.
I thought I would be okay, but I am already in bits.
Because tomorrow I can't have a proper memorial but am not allowed to hide either - there are people who have taken the day off (both my children, his sister, his mum) to come and be with me in the garden at various times. I will have to hold it all together - you know - how you hold it all together for other people you care about.
I don't want to refuse them - they need it too, and I love them all.
I have a hospital appointment in the afternoon that I thought I could handle too - a minor (hahahaha) cardio procedure that I can see now I will probably be sobbing throughout, while they wait for me in the garden
I am going offline now, so no need to post, dear folks, I shan't read anymore today.
But think of me, please - because I know you know, and it will help me, and I don't like asking for help.
As ever, feeling bleedin' sorry for myself - Sue xx
To all you lovely people - Thank you. 5 days later and through it, though not over it. 
At least I feel able to come back to the site - I just had to put another head on for a while, you know the one - the family and friends head! xx
Sue
