Some words from me especially to members who have joined in recent months

Hello Mel.

I joined here six weeks ago when my beloved died following a three journey with multiple myeloma. The site has helped me  but I don’t often contribute simply because I don’t always feel able. 

Keep safe everyone.

June

Hey Mel, June 

Mel, we are all glad you are here and that you’ve found a way to use the site easier.

June, it’s ok not to respond much. Just logging in and reading can be helpful too. 

I don’t always know what to say either. I’m just exhausted by the sheer trauma and loss and sometimes messaging helps, sometimes just reading helps and sometimes just not being on here for a few days helps too. It’s that being able to dip in and out at each other’s own pace, speak or not speak that’s the beauty of it. 

Nobody judges or expects anything. We’re just all trying to get through the worst pain of our lives. Sounds a big mushy or like a slogan but, ...together we’re stronger. Not every day, but some days, and those days count!  

Peace & strength to all (because we need it!!) xx

Good morning,

I still here, still reading have nothing to say, I still lost, low and broken 

Coming up to 11 weeks since Rob died, feeling like mile stones, as he was home 11 weeks for end of life care after finding second tumour. Before that he was in hospital for 12 weeks. Still feeling like I am doing everything in prep for him coming home. 

Miss him so much, just going through the motions of life without a purpose any more 

Sending strength to everyone.

Donna xx

Hi 

It's 14 weeks now since I lost my husband, just 2 weeks after he was diagnosed. The shock was horrendous and I am now struggling to make sense of it all and trying to live this new life that I now have.

I too, am broken and so sad, I miss him so much and feel I don't have a purpose any more.

I am so grateful for this group but usually just read the posts now as I don't have a lot to say, nothing changes, Groundhog day every day. 

xx

Hi Donna, Sarah 

Just the fact you’ve put your thoughts on here helps. It helps me anyway. Sounds awful, your pain helps me!?! That’s not what I mean and I know you know this! It just helps to know I’m not crazy or ‘not handling it’ it’s echoed in others feeling the exact same. 

I wish there were magic words I could say, to you both, to everyone on here and myself. We know there isn’t it’s just about getting through to a time when it won’t hurt so bad. We can’t see that time yet but I’m hopeful to believing it’s possible. It’s 5 weeks for me tomorrow. 

Do or did, either of you have bereavement counselling at all? 
xx

I am having bereavement counselling from my local hospice where John was for the last few hours of his life.

I find it helps to talk to somebody out of my situation, I have never seen her as its always by phone. 

I thought that I was doing OK...keeping myself busy as recommended, but for the last 10 days or so I've been crying more and feeling like I'm going to burst trying to suppress the  tears in public.

My counsellor suggested I may be being too busy and not giving myself time to grieve. So for the last couple of days I have slowed down and am trying to have more quiet time.  I think she is right.

If you are thinking about going for counselling yourself I would give it a go, I do always feel better and more understanding of my situation and that I'm not going mad, after I have spoken to her. 

xx

Hi Donna, Mypinapple, Sarah21 and all,

I had bereavement counselling in the first couple of months after Paul's death at the hospital where Paul died. The lady was wonderful: a very gentle south-African lady who was so good at listening and who helped me to work through the first very painful weeks. I haven't felt the need to go back to counselling after that. But this is also due to the fact that I have you all here; it's wonderful to be able to talk about everything on this support group and it really, really helps.

Love Mel

I didn't have counseling. I didn't think talking to a stranger on the phone would help.

I used this site a lot. That helped and I had a friend who had just lost her husband too as well as my other friends. 

I have moved forward. I think I grieved before he died. I wasn't always treated well and we lived apart at the end. I think I grieved then for what I had already lost. I missed his company to start with. Now I don't think about him so much. I was however able to grieve for my first husband who died a short while after we split and divorced. This is the man I truly loved and who Ric would not let me or our children think about or grieve.

I still say keeping busy kept me going though and having my children to keep me going. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hello Mel, 

Thank you. Not long on the site. Posted once I think but replied to others more. Lost my Husband 9 months now. Still feels like yesterday and still expect him to come walking through the door from work. The pain is still so raw.

Hi Sarah 

Thank you. Yes I’m waiting on bereavement counselling. I think will be in about 3 weeks from now I’ll start. I really know I need it. 
I need to discuss that final week, get it to a place I can let go of and move to a different part of bereavement where I’m hoping I can let thoughts of David emerge without it being all about that horrendous last week. Xx