Coming back...

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I received an email from Macmillan the other day and it reminded me that I hadn't been on here in a really long time. The past year has just been one garbled up mess, hasn't it? I do think the isolation of the pandemic has been difficult on those who are grieving. Five months ago, I moved. Moved from the home I shared with my beloved so that I could be close to my daughter and her family. I don't regret the move. It gave me something to do. But, at least for me, the grief seems to be getting worse rather than better. It has been over two years since my dearest most loved husband died. And I still can't get my head around it. I've had bereavement counselling, I've been with family, we scattered his ashes last year on the one-year anniversary of his death. But the pain remains. 

I will never be able to get through all the posts on here that have accumulated during the time that I was not coming on, so I will just start from today. But to everyone who is going through this hellish ride of losing your love, know that I totally get it and I know how hard it is. I will try to be here more often. I think it helped me at the time. Hopefully, it will help me again.

Martha xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to MyPineapple

    Oh, and yes, Pineapple, I dusted and hoovered first! xx

  • I just had to respond to this post that you wrote, Martha GM, beause it so echoes how I feel after 2 years. There are times when I still can't believe my husband is gone and will never come back. I still very rarely look at photos because it's still too painful and, yes, the grief feels like it's getting worse at times. My psychologist tells me that it most probably feels that way when it's a particularly bad day but she believes it's not the case. She may be right but it's still very hard and the pain cuts through me sometimes when I least expect it. Like you, I moved and during the first few months, I was distracted by the novelty and having to catch my bearings in a new place. That helped but now routine is setting in and it doesn't always feel good. I felt reassured in a selfish way when I read what you said.

  • Hi Sue and all,

    I got my laptop yesterday and can now write emails on the normal computer keyboard again, how wonderful! Now you won't have to put up with any silly mistakes anymore!

    Love, Mel.

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to MelanieL

    Oh, they were so much fun - please keep making them now and again!! JoyJoyHeart x